Repercussions
by CindyD
Summary: Spike gets a soul and returns to Sunnydale, version 347 :) And, oh yeah, he's got Willow and Giles with him *COMPLETE*
1. Default Chapter

Repercussions, Part 1  
  
  
  
Giles sat down in his favorite leather chair and checked his watch. It was hard to find a convenient time to call California, between the time difference and Buffy's schedule, but he took a chance that she would be home. She answered on the third ring.  
  
"Giles! I was hoping you'd call."  
  
"Hello, Buffy. How are things?"  
  
"Oh, you know, same old, same old on the Hellmouth. What's up with you?"  
  
Such a loaded question, thought Giles, she has no idea. He looked through the doorway of the study and across the hall, where he could see them moving about in the kitchen. He heard low voices, and then soft laughter, and smiled. 'I've started a new business' he was tempted to say. 'The Rupert Giles Home for Wayward Witches and Vampires.'  
  
"Actually, that's what I called about. I think Willow is ready to return to Sunnydale."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"I take it from your reaction that you don't think it's a good idea?"  
  
"No, that's not it, exactly," she sighed. "It's just, things have been pretty low key around here this summer. It's a busy time for Xander at work, and Anya has been trying to get the shop ready to reopen. Just me and Dawn, basically, and I haven't had to deal with a lot of stuff, which was a nice break. But, you know, summer vacation has to end sometime, I guess."  
  
Giles felt badly. Buffy had been through so much this past year, and now he was going to return to Sunnydale with more for her to deal with. More than she even realized. It didn't seem fair, but then, life never was.  
  
"Hello? Giles? You still there?"  
  
"Oh, yes, of course. Sorry."  
  
"How is Willow, anyway?"  
  
"She is doing quite well, actually. The coven has helped immensely, and., well, she's received a lot of support, and she seems to be dealing with her grief over Tara in an appropriate manner. She's still very sad, Buffy. But she has good days, now, too."  
  
"That's good," said Buffy softly, "I've been worried about her. I feel bad I haven't called..."  
  
"She understands, Buffy. And she enjoys the cards you've been sending her."  
  
"So," he could hear her take a deep breath, "when are you bringing her back?"  
  
"I was planning for about a week from now. She would like to return in time to register for fall classes. And Buffy, she intends to live at the dorm. She wanted you to know that."  
  
"That's probably a good idea. Dawn is still, well, a little scared of her."  
  
"Completely understandable."  
  
"O.K. then, you'll call and let me know about your flight and everything, right?"  
  
"Of course, but Buffy, there's something else. As a matter of fact, someone else."  
  
"What? Who?" she asked, her voice full of curiosity.  
  
"Well, er, it's Spike," he said gently.  
  
At the sound of his name, Buffy sat down hard in the chair.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"I heard you. I just...don't get it."  
  
"It's, well, rather a long story."  
  
"I've got time. I think you need to tell me." This was about the last thing she had expected. After all this time, she'd wondered if she would ever hear from him again. And now she finds out he's in England, with Giles?  
  
"Well, he showed up on my doorstep shortly after I returned here with Willow," Giles told her. "I'm afraid he was in rather bad shape, at the time, poor chap."  
  
'Poor chap?' thought Buffy. Giles is referring to Spike as 'poor chap?'  
  
"So, what happened to him? Is he alright?" She didn't like the note of panic in her voice.  
  
"He's fine. As for what happened to him, I think you'd better ask him that yourself, when you see him."  
  
"No, I think you'd better tell me."  
  
Giles sighed. She was using her I-will-not-take-no for an answer tone with him, and he knew better than to argue with her, even over the phone.  
  
"Are you sitting down?"  
  
"Giles! Melodramatic much?"  
  
"Very well Buffy. Spike now has a soul." He waited for her reaction. "Buffy?"  
  
"He got the chip out?"  
  
"What? No, I didn't say anything about the chip."  
  
"But, he must have done something to get cursed with..."  
  
"No, he didn't get cursed. He sought it out, Buffy. He won it through a series of trials."  
  
"Why?" she asked quietly.  
  
"Now that I must insist you speak to him about yourself. And Buffy, he's not exactly the Spike you knew. You may not recognize all the changes in him."  
  
Giles hung up the phone after saying his good-byes to a stunned slayer. He walked into the kitchen, where Willow was preparing a salad for her lunch. She sat at the kitchen table, slicing vegetables. Every once in awhile Spike would reach over and grab a carrot or a slice of pepper, and she would playfully swat his hand. He sat at the other end of the table with a laptop, a legal pad, and a mug of blood. He spent almost as much time on the computer now as Willow did. They both looked up when Giles entered the room.  
  
"You get a hold of her, Rupert?" asked Spike.  
  
"Yes," he said, removing his glasses.  
  
"Uh, oh, must be bad," said Willow with a smile, looking at Spike.  
  
"Yes, he's removed his glasses," Spike nodded, his voice mock serious. "always a harbinger of bad news."  
  
Giles smiled ruefully and took two beers out of the fridge, handing one to Spike.  
  
"Willow? Anything?"  
  
"No thanks, not thirsty."  
  
"So, did you tell her about me, mate?" Spike asked, truly serious this time.  
  
"Yes, about the soul too. She insisted."  
  
Spike smiled, "I thought as much. Stubborn, that one. How'd she take it?"  
  
Giles took a drink of his beer. "Confused, as you'd expect. Wants to know the details, which I told her she'd have to get from you."  
  
"What about me?" Willow asked. "Bet she can't wait to see me, ha, ha."  
  
"No, Willow, I think she is looking forward to seeing you. She's just a little nervous, that's all. Worried about Dawn."  
  
Willow nodded and kept slicing vegetables. Giles looked at Spike.  
  
"Hey, Red?" Spike asked gently.  
  
She looked up and tried to smile, but her lower lip quivered and she had to swallow back the tears that threatened to spill.  
  
"C'mon, chin up, Will. We're in this together, you and me, right?"  
  
"Right, Will," she answered. This time she did manage a smile.  
  
He laughed and got up, moving around to the back of her chair and kissing her on top of the head. "That's my girl." Then, he gathered up his things and headed up to his room.  
  
"Giles?"  
  
"Yes, Willow?"  
  
"Xander is going to be a problem."  
  
Giles sighed. "Isn't he always?"  
  
  
  
TBC 


	2. Repercussions, chapter 2

Repercussions, Part 2  
  
  
  
  
  
"Spike, you want the window seat?" Willow flipped casually through their boarding passes as they walked down the jetway towards the plane.  
  
"Ha, bloody, ha" he said. "How long did you work on that one?"  
  
"I've been saving it up for awhile," she admitted with a grin.  
  
"Now that is sad."  
  
She looked over her shoulder at him and shrugged. "Yeah, well, consider the source. Queen of the Nerds, here."  
  
"Listen here, missy. I was a big nerd long before they even invented the term. And look at me now." He picked her up and threw her over his shoulder for a few steps while she screamed and batted playfully at his back. Then he set her down and they walked arm and arm to the plane. Giles shook his head and pretended to be mortified. "They're not with me," he said to anyone within hearing distance. In truth, he was extremely proud of their progress. His two companions were virtually unrecognizable from the people they had been four months before, and he knew that he had something to do with that. He'd provided a sanctuary, an understanding, non-judgmental ear, and the occasional piece of advice. When asked for, of course.  
  
But, he also knew that their recovery had as much to do with each other as it had to do with him, and that also pleased him. And worried him. Now that they were headed home, what was the old gang to make of them, he wondered.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
"What's the matter?"  
  
"What makes you think something is the matter? Nothing is the matter."  
  
"Well," said Dawn, crossing her arms over her chest, "you keep answering a question with a question. And if you polish that coffee table anymore you're going to rub the finish right off."  
  
Buffy looked down at the table and saw that Dawn was right, she was about to literally damage the finish with slayer dusting. She stopped and blew an errant strand of hair out of her eyes. "I guess I have sufficiently slayed the dust bunnies."  
  
"And Anya will be glad to hear it. Now, tell me what's bugging you."  
  
"Nothing," Buffy said. She stood up and threw the dust rag on the table. "It's just, everything."  
  
"So is it nothing or everything?"  
  
The sat down on the sofa together. Buffy lay her head on Dawn's shoulder. "Nothing should be bothering me, but everything is."  
  
"It's Spike, isn't it? This whole soul thing is wigging you out. And how dare he get a soul without discussing it with you first."  
  
Buffy sat up and looked at Dawn. "I've told you before, you're not supposed to be all wise and stuff. It's just not right."  
  
"Sorry. That old keyness rearing its ugly head again, I guess."  
  
"Why do you think he did it?" Buffy asked Dawn.  
  
"I think we all know why he did it, Buffy. A souled vampire was the only one ever to win Buffy's heart."  
  
"He'll never be Angel," Buffy said, her eyes flashing.  
  
"God, I hope you're right."  
  
"Dawn!"  
  
"Oh, come on, can you blame me? Angel tried to kill me without a soul, and he barely acknowledged my presence with one. Spike, he saved my life on numerous occasions without a soul, and sent cool post cards from Africa and England with one. Though I didn't know about the soul, at the time."  
  
"He sent you postcards? How come I didn't know about this?"  
  
"Oops. He sent them to the Magic Box and Anya gave them to me. I didn't want to bring up bad memories for you. He didn't say much, just 'hi bite size,' mostly."  
  
"Did he, did he send post cards to Anya too?" Buffy asked with feigned casualness. She didn't fool her sister.  
  
"Ooh, jealous are we?"  
  
"NO! No, of course not. I was just, you know, curious. And that was like the lamest lie ever, wasn't it?"  
  
"Yes. And no, Buffy, nothing for Anya. Just me." Dawn observed her sister breathe a visible sigh of relief. "Buffy, it's o.k. if you like him, or even love him, you know."  
  
Buffy smiled. "Tara once said almost the exact same thing to me." She stood and headed upstairs. "I'm going to take a shower. They'll be here in a couple of hours."  
  
Dawn leaned back on the sofa, hugging a pillow. "I miss you, Tara," she whispered.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
"What time will they be here, Buffy?" Dawn kept pulling the curtains aside, and looking out the window.  
  
"Probably soon. They were going to stop at the hotel and drop their things off before coming over."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"You nervous, now?  
  
"Yeah, about Willow, though. I just don't want to even see her," said Dawn, her eyes filling with tears.  
  
"Well, you have to see her, but you don't have to hang out with her or even talk to her if you don't want to. You do have to be polite, though. She understands how you feel, believe me. And we all know it's going to be awkward, especially at first."  
  
"Speaking of awkward, how do you think Xander's going to react to Spike?"  
  
"Xander's going to be a problem."  
  
Dawn sighed. "Isn't he always?"  
  
As if on cue, Xander walked in the door. "Not here yet?"  
  
"No, not yet. I'm glad you're here early, though. We need to talk."  
  
"About soul boy 2? I really don't." He plopped himself down on the sofa.  
  
"He's going to be here soon. I want to know what you're going to do."  
  
"What are my options?" He closed his eyes and put his hands behind his head.  
  
"How about, you just ignore him?"  
  
"Sure, whatever."  
  
"Why do I not believe you?" asked Buffy, hands on hips.  
  
"Gee whiz, Buffy, I don't know. He slept with my fiancée and tried to rape one of my best friends. But I'll be nice. Promise." His voice dripped with sarcasm.  
  
"Anya wasn't your fiancée anymore Xander, you left her, remember?" said Dawn.  
  
"And what happened with Spike and me is between the two of us. You need to stay out of it."  
  
Xander opened his eyes. "What is it with you Summers women and that guy?" he asked, shaking his head.  
  
The cab pulled into the driveway then, and Buffy opened the door. She ushered them all in and threw her arms around Giles, the only one she actually knew what to do with.  
  
Willow said a shy "hello," to Dawn, who answered with a cold "hello," back. Then Willow flew into Xander's arms, and he picked her up off the ground and swung her around.  
  
Spike was the last one in, and he quietly closed the door. The day was overcast, but he had a blanket with him anyway, and he tossed it in the corner. When he turned around, his eyes found Dawn's. She smiled tentatively. "Hi, Spike." She began to walk towards him.  
  
"Hello, Dawn," he said. She faltered. He usually only used her name when he was angry or worried about her. He looked the same, but his voice sounded weird to her, so serious. She stopped awkwardly in the middle of the room. He seemed to realize his mistake then. "How've you been, Nibblet?" He walked up to her, and reached out a hand to stroke her silky hair. "I've missed you, you know. Did you get my postcards?"  
  
She gently put her arms around him and lay her head against his chest. "Yes, and I missed you too, Spike."  
  
'Well,' thought Buffy, pulling back from Giles, 'at least everyone found someone to hug.' They all seemed to have the same thought at the same time. As they stepped away from their respective huggees and looked around the room, an uncomfortable silence fell upon them.  
  
"Welcome home, Will," said Buffy. The two of them hugged now, and then Dawn hugged Giles. Meanwhile, Xander glared at Spike, who just stared back at him with an unreadable expression on his face.  
  
"Surprised to see you here," said Xander, "but then, I guess I shouldn't be. Don't criminals always return to the scene of the crime?"  
  
The hugging was now over.  
  
Willow stepped in front of Spike. "Xander, don't."  
  
"Now you're defending him too? I guess your last name doesn't have to be Summers, you just have to be female."  
  
"Xander," Buffy warned. Spike continued to look steadily at Xander. Buffy couldn't figure the vampire out. He didn't look angry. He didn't look guilty. There was no smirk present. But there was something...dangerous...in his eyes. He put his hands on Willow's shoulders and leaned down to whisper something in her ear. She nodded.  
  
"Could you excuse us ladies, Giles. Harris and I need to talk." He began to walk towards the kitchen. When Xander didn't follow, he stopped and looked back over his shoulder. "You coming, Harris?"  
  
Xander, caught off guard, dutifully followed Spike into the kitchen. Buffy looked at Giles. "This can't be good. Can it?"  
  
  
  
TBC 


	3. Repercussions, chapter 3

Repercussions, Part 3  
  
  
  
  
  
Spike stood with his arms folded across his chest, leaning against the kitchen counter. Unconsciously, Xander mirrored his pose on the other side of the room.  
  
"What?" asked Xander.  
  
"We need to settle this," Spike answered.  
  
"Settle what? You're lucky all you get is a little hostility from me. If it weren't for Buffy, you'd be dust many times over by now."  
  
Spike pursed his lips and he looked out the window. Finally, he spoke. "Look Harris, I'm not going to apologize to you, because, frankly, you don't deserve it. Anya was a free woman that night we were together. You. Left. Her. Any regrets I have about that situation I will discuss with her and her alone. As for Buffy and I, that also is between us. But I will say this. I understand why you feel the way you do. You have good reason for the way you feel about me, and vice versa. Guess what? Doesn't matter. We don't matter. What matters to me is Willow, and Buffy, and Dawn. They've been through enough and they don't need this crap from us on top of everything else. Can we at least agree on that?"  
  
Xander stared at him for a moment. It physically pained him to agree with Spike, but he couldn't deny what he was saying. Finally, his love for the women in question overcame his hatred for the vampire. "Alright. I agree. You stay out of my way, I'll stay out of yours. But don't expect me to be friendly or anything."  
  
"Perish the thought."  
  
"And don't expect everything to be forgiven now that you're supposedly all souled up. I didn't like Angel much more with the soul than I did without it."  
  
"Now see, that's something else we agree on."  
  
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Spike walked back into the living room where the rest of the group was sitting and talking. To the casual observer, it would look no different than any other Scooby get together. Spike knew better. Buffy laughed just a little too loud, Dawn played with her hair, and Willow's hands fluttered about a tad more than usual. It was strange how he felt closer to Willow now than he did to Buffy, and when Red looked up and raised her eyebrows at him expectantly, he knew exactly what she was asking.  
  
He sat on the arm of the sofa next to her and leaned down, his mouth close to her ear. "All taken care of," he said.  
  
"That's my Will," she said, and her hand went briefly to his cheek. He felt someone staring at him, and when he looked up, Buffy quickly looked away. Xander stood in the doorway, also watching them. Spike decided not to push his luck, and went and sat next to Dawn, who had moved away from the group and sat on the bottom step of the stairs.  
  
"How's things, Nibblet?"  
  
"Fine," she said, twisting a strand of hair around her fingers.  
  
"That so? You don't seem so fine to me." She didn't say anything. "I was wonderin' if you could maybe do me a favor?"  
  
She looked up at him. "Like what?"  
  
"Like, give Willow a bit of a break. I know what happened, and you've got every right to be upset. But, maybe you could cut her some slack."  
  
"Why should I?" she asked, her mouth set in a hard line.  
  
"For me," he said quietly. Her face softened a little. "See, 'cept for Giles, maybe, you and Willow are the only two friends I have. Have ever had, if you wanna know the truth. It'd be nice if we could all maybe be in the same room together. And I know she's crazy about you."  
  
"You guys must've gotten pretty close, all those months living at Giles's."  
  
"Yeah, I guess so. Willow really helped me, bit."  
  
She considered this for a moment. "I'll think about it."  
  
"Thanks, platelet."  
  
He stood up. "Hey, Rupert, sun's down, I'm going to go take care of those things I mentioned earlier. I'll see you two back at the hotel?" He looked from Giles to Willow, and they both nodded. "Buffy?" he asked, "can I talk to you for a minute, outside?"  
  
"Sure," she answered. 'Finally!' is what she thought. Spike tucked his blanket under his arm, held the door open for her, and she ducked under his arm to go out on the front porch. He closed the door behind him, and when he turned around she was practically on top of him. He backed away a step or two.  
  
"Look, I know we probably have a lot to talk about, but I figured you'd want to catch up with Red and Rupert first" he said.  
  
"Uh, yeah, right." Spike has a soul. No biggie. We'll discuss it later.  
  
"And I have a few things I need to take care of tonight." He stepped down on to the first porch step.  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Well, I need to go by the crypt and see about my stuff. I know Clem's been taking care of it for me. And I need to check on my car, see if it still runs." He walked down a couple of more steps.  
  
"Are you going back to the crypt? To stay, I mean."  
  
He was standing on the sidewalk now. "Just until I find something else. I'm going to start looking for a place tomorrow. An apartment."  
  
"How are you going to manage that?"  
  
"I have a job. That's one of the things I want to talk to you about, actually. Is tomorrow good? To talk?" He took a few more steps away.  
  
"What? Tomorrow? Sure, I'll, I'll be around tomorrow." Her head was spinning. Now, he had a job?  
  
"O.K., I'll stop by tomorrow afternoon, then. Good night, Buffy."  
  
"'Night." She watched him walk away in disbelief.  
  
As he walked down Revello drive, he breathed a literal sigh of relief. This was even harder that he thought it would be. Dealing with Harris had been a breeze compared to Buffy. He knew she must be confused at his behavior, and he should have apologized, although that seemed just painfully inadequate no matter how many times he'd gone over the words in his mind. But, he didn't think himself capable of coherent conversation at this point, and he didn't want to make it worse. Better to deal with concrete issues like cars. And Clem. Good, solid Clem, who'd kept a watch on his things, such as they were, all summer. He thought he'd give him the TV for his trouble; it was a pretty good one. And maybe the fridge. Although, they were stolen. Maybe he should return them? Used, now, so that wouldn't work. Give them to charity? Was Clem considered charity? Bloody soul. He could handle the big guilt the soul dealt out, it was these little things that annoyed him.  
  
Yeah, he could handle the big stuff. Now. If Giles hadn't taken him in that night he'd shown up at his door, he didn't think he would have had the strength or the will to get himself out of the sun. But Giles had taken him in. And Willow had stayed up all night with him, night after night, talking about lost lives and lost loves and lost opportunities. She was there for him. And she let him be there for her, which was almost more important. And he could handle it now.  
  
Well, mostly. Because, he expected to feel guilty about 120 years of death and destruction. And he'd expected to feel bad about what he'd done to Buffy. Hell, he didn't even need the soul for that. Still, he expected the soul to change the way he felt about himself.  
  
He hadn't expected it to affect the way he felt about her.  
  
TBC 


	4. Repercussions, chapter 4

Repercussions, Part 4  
  
  
  
Spike paused before the crypt door, then knocked before he entered. As he pushed the door open, Clem jumped in his chair, knocking over a TV tray strewn with various snack foods.  
  
"Spike! You're back!"  
  
"Didn't you get my e mail, mate?" Spike walked over and clapped his friend on the back before righting the fallen table.  
  
"I did...I guess I got the dates mixed up. I thought it was next week. Silly me!"  
  
Spike smiled in spite of his dark mood. "Sorry I scared you, mate. I made you spill your snacks." Spike picked up several bags and boxes off the floor and put them back on the table.  
  
"Oh, that's alright. Seems to happen to me a lot. The slayer is always making me spill something. Don't know what it is about that girl...she's sweet, though. No wonder you have a thing for her."  
  
Spike scratched his head and walked over to the sofa. "Yeah, a thing," he said absently, as he sat down.  
  
"What?" asked Clem, muting the television. "You went off and did this crazy soul thing for her. Now you don't seem too excited about it. Don't you love her anymore?"  
  
Spike stared at Clem for a moment, then let out a small laugh. "Sometimes, love isn't enough," he said, shaking his head.  
  
"Ain't it the truth, though," agreed Clem. He held out a box to Spike. "Bugle?"  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Buffy checked herself in the mirror. Jeans and a slightly low cut tank top. Casual, but a little sexy. Not trying too hard. "This is good," she said to herself. "This says, 'Welcome back, Spike. Nice soul you have there.'" She sat down on the edge of the bed and picked up Mr. Gordo. "It's not like I care if he cares what I look like," she said to the pig. "Oh, who am I kidding?" She flopped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, where she had spent many nights over the summer in just this position, trying to sort out her feelings for him. "Messy, but real," he'd said to her once, and she thought now that that was a very accurate description. She thought she had come to some kind of understanding of their relationship, or of herself, at least. She was really trying not to be Denial!Buffy. She had feelings for him, strong ones. And it could have been love. But she wouldn't let it be. Why? Well, he was an evil, soulless vampire. Except, now he was just the vampire part. Everything was different now. At least, she hoped it was. That was a very dangerous thing. Hope.  
  
Buffy had made sure that Dawn had some place to be so that she wouldn't be able to witness Buffy's craziness and lord it over her later. When the doorbell rang at 3:30, she was relieved. She took a deep breath, counted to three, and opened the door.  
  
"Oh. It's you."  
  
"Thank you for that most enthusiastic greeting."  
  
"Sorry, Giles, come on in. It's just that I was expecting someone else." She stepped aside to let him through the door, staring at his most un-Giles like outfit of faded Levi's and a Who t-shirt.  
  
"Would that be Spike?" he asked, putting down his briefcase on the coffee table. "He's right behind me."  
  
She looked out the door to see Spike, in faded Levi's and a Ramones t- shirt, stamping out his flaming blanket on her front porch. She waved him in and plopped down in a chair. So, Spike had brought Giles along as a chaperone. Yay. And why did that bother her, exactly? Best not think to much about the why's, she decided.  
  
The two Englishmen sat on the sofa, comfortable as old college roommates or something, and she could have throttled them both. She glared at them from her less than ladylike slump in the chair. "What are you two, the Bobsy twins?"  
  
Giles laughed and looked down at their shirts and jeans. "Oh, we didn't plan this, I assure you. Just a coincidence. Although we did purchase the shirts at the same time, at a quite lovely vintage clothing store in London..."  
  
"Sorry to interrupt this truly fascinating shopping story, but, why are you here?"  
  
"Yes, quite. So sorry, Buffy," said Giles. "Well, you see, Spike's employment situation has rather a lot to do with me, in a roundabout way, not to say that he didn't come by it of his volition, only that it involves me to a certain extent, and..."  
  
"Giles, is there a point in there somewhere?"  
  
"Buffy," Spike interjected, "what ol' Rupes here is trying to say is that I'm going to be working at the Magic Box."  
  
"What about Anya?" Buffy asked.  
  
"She'll still be in charge," answered Giles, "but it's difficult to run the shop on one's own, and I'm not anxious to go back to it on a daily basis, frankly. He'll assist her, the shop can stay open longer hours, and this will give her some free time as well as allow Anya and me to go on buying trips, etcetera."  
  
"What does Spike know about running a business and did you just say 'Anya and me?'"  
  
"I assure you that Spike has a better head for business than any of us were previously aware of. He came up with several innovative marketing strategies while he was staying with me in England. And yes, I did say 'Anya and me.' I am still part owner, and Anya and I have discussed traveling to the Far East and elsewhere to purchase some artifacts we've had our eyes on."  
  
Buffy decided to let the Giles and Anya thing go for a moment, and focus on the Spike thing. She looked at him directly and he finally met her gaze. "Good for you," she said. He smiled, a shy smile she didn't think she'd ever seen before. "Me, I'm still wearing the cow hat."  
  
"Well, that's another reason I'm here today, dear. Spike has come up with something that might relieve you of your food industry duties."  
  
Spike sat forward on the sofa. "I hope you don't mind that I started this without checking with you first. But, Giles and I were talking about the council of wankers and how they object to giving you a salary, the whole precedent setting thing, and I had this idea."  
  
"What is it?" she asked warily.  
  
"You don't have to do anything. It's just, I came up with a cost/benefit analysis which proves it's much more beneficial for you to be slaying full time than working at that...place. It would actually be in the council's best interest to pay you."  
  
"And they're all about their best interest, Buffy. I've seen his analysis, and frankly, it's bloody brilliant. He's come up with a way to place a numeric value on slaying. The council has got to go for it, if their goal is truly the public good. And they'd never admit otherwise. Here, let me show you." Giles pulled out some papers from his brief case and Buffy sat between him and Spike on the sofa while they went over them with her.  
  
"This is a lot of work," she said, looking at Spike.  
  
He shrugged. "It kept my mind off...things."  
  
She nodded in understanding. "Do you really think it'll work?" she asked Giles.  
  
"It's got a better chance than anything else I can think of."  
  
"What about that whole accountability thing? I'll have to do things their way."  
  
"Well, to be quite blunt, I think the council has given up on making you accountable to them. They know that you do your job, and do it well. Spike's analysis just shows how much better you could do it if you could put all your energy into it. Also, there are a few newer members of the council who aren't quite so into policy and procedure. I'll present this myself, so as to make sure no special requirements are attached to its approval, should we get that far."  
  
She turned back to Spike, who was looking at her intently and biting his lip, awaiting her decision. "Thank you," she said, putting her hand on his arm. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate this." She turned back to Giles. "Let's do it."  
  
"Fantastic. Now that that's settled, I'll be shoving off. I'm sure you two have, er, things, to discuss and whatnot." Giles got up, patted Spike on the shoulder, kissed Buffy's cheek, and left.  
  
They both stared longingly at the closed door.  
  
"Sooo," said Buffy, "how's that soul thing working out for you?"  
  
  
  
TBC 


	5. Repercussions, chapter 5

Repercussions, Part 5  
  
  
  
Spike laughed. How was that soul thing working out for him, that was the question, now, wasn't it? Should he tell her about the trials that nearly killed him? Should he explain how agonizing the initial return of his soul felt, that he now knew what being ripped out of heaven truly felt like? Should he tell her about the days he lay in that cave unable to move, from pain which was not physical, but emotional? Or how about the embarrassment of begging Giles for aid, threatening suicide on his front stoop if he refused; only after did he realize that Rupert had already pulled him inside.  
  
"It's working out alright," he said.  
  
She nodded. She wouldn't push it. He was trying to protect her, and she would let him, this time. Being this close to him, inches away on the sofa, was so strange. He was the same, and not the same, and it was hard to pinpoint the differences, but they were there. Some were easier to see than others.  
  
"Your hair..." she said.  
  
"Yeah," he grinned, running his hands through it. "Willow says she likes it this way. Says I look 'current,' which I'm told is a good thing. What do you think, is she tellin' tales? Can't exactly judge for myself."  
  
His hair was longer and wavy, grown out at the roots, but still bleached on the ends. "She's right," Buffy said, "you look good." It was, perhaps, the first complement she'd ever given him.  
  
He looked down at his hands, then back up at her through his long lashes. "How are you, Buffy?"  
  
The way he said this, the way he looked at her, made her realize this wasn't a casual 'hey, how are you?' inquiry. The intensity of his gaze brought tears to her eyes. "I'm a lot better," was all she could think to say.  
  
"Good. I was hoping you would be." His jaw clenched and he looked up at the ceiling. "Buffy..."  
  
"You don't have to say it."  
  
"Yeah, I do." He looked into her eyes. "I'm so sorry for what I did to you."  
  
"I know," she said quietly. "So sorry you went off and got yourself a soul. Wasn't that kind of...extreme?"  
  
He laughed. An abrupt, strangely humorless sound. He rubbed the back of his neck. "When I left Sunnydale, I just couldn't stand myself anymore. Because of everything. Because of what I did to you. Because you didn't love me. I couldn't.exist.that way anymore. So, since this chip in my head wouldn't let me be a proper monster, I decided to try for the only thing I knew that might make me able to be a man."  
  
"You could have tried to get the chip out," she said quietly.  
  
"But that would have hurt you," he said.  
  
"You thought if you had a soul, that I could love you," she said softly, almost to herself.  
  
"Yeah, ironic, isn't it?"  
  
"Ironic?" she asked, confused.  
  
"Yeah, now that I have a soul, I realize how stupid that line of thinkin' is. And after spending so much time with Willow, I finally realize that you've been right all along. We can never be together, you and I."  
  
She stared at him. She'd seen the looks, the whispers, the little touches between the two of them. This couldn't be, could it? "Willow? You're in love with Willow?"  
  
He looked surprised. "No, pet. I love Willow, but we're just friends. You do remember that she's gay, don't you?" he asked with a wink.  
  
'Well, if anyone could make a girl change her mind...' Buffy thought.  
  
"No, it's just, we spent a lot of time talking about ourselves while we were at Giles's. She told me about her and Tara, and how it was between them, what they meant to each other. How she felt when they were together, when it was good between them. And I realized that I wanted that. I want someone to love who loves me back. Dru and me, we had a corrupted version of that, I s'pose. But I don't want corrupted anymore. Prob'ly sounds stupid, and I prob'ly don't deserve it, anyway, but..."  
  
"Everyone deserves love, Spike."  
  
"Well, I know showing up with a soul isn't going to make you love me. I thought that way before, but now I see how ridiculous it was."  
  
"I'm sorry for the way I treated you," she whispered.  
  
"I know, slayer. But let's face it. We're not good for each other. I've been gone now for how many months, and look how great you're doin'." He smiled at her. "I always wished I could be the one to make you happy. But I see that's just not how it is. And I can accept that now."  
  
"Spike, it wasn't your fault, how messed up I was. You have to know that."  
  
"Thanks for saying that, Buffy. But I know I didn't help. Not like I wanted to. Anyway, I hope it won't bother you having me around again."  
  
"No, no of course not."  
  
He got up, walked toward the door and opened it, picking up his blanket. "If you ever need any help with patrol, or anything, let me know. If it won't be too weird for you. Let me tell you, the vamps Bath had to offer were a sad and pathetic lot."  
  
"Well, we seem to be having a run on pretty tough vamps lately, so I could use some help."  
  
"Good." He smiled. "Take care, Buffy." He paused, his hand still on the knob. "You know, I really hope that maybe we can be...friends."  
  
She nodded and smiled, and he stood framed in the doorway, just looking at her for a moment. Then he put his blanket over his head and left, shutting the door behind him.  
  
Buffy curled up on the sofa, and cried.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
"You actually got the 'let's be friends' speech?"  
  
"Uh huh." Buffy shoved another spoonful of Vanilla Swiss Almond into her mouth. Dawn had come home and found her on the sofa, staring into space, and had quickly administered premium ice cream therapy. She hid a stash in the back of the freezer for just such emergencies.  
  
"O.K., tell me exactly what he said."  
  
Buffy blew her nose. "He said, 'I really hope we can be friends.'"  
  
"What about before that?" Dawn asked. She took a spoonful of Coffee directly from the carton.  
  
"He said that I was right, that we weren't good for each other and he wants to find someone who will love him back." She started crying again, and Dawn shoved the box of tissues closer to her sister.  
  
"Do you love him?"  
  
"I don't know! But I always thought he'd love me, and now I thought maybe, there'd be a chance..."  
  
"Did he say that he doesn't love you anymore?" Dawn asked, licking the back of the spoon.  
  
Buffy thought for a moment. "No, not exactly."  
  
"See, then there's hope!" Dawn said brightly.  
  
"No! No hope! Hope is bad! Hope will beat your face to a pulp and leave you to die in an alley!" She got up and ran crying from the room. Dawn stared after her, open mouthed.  
  
"What the hell was that?" She shrugged, and reached across the table for Buffy's container of ice cream.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
"Well, I see that at least you've cleaned the place up," smiled Willow. She looked around at what was most likely a living room. It was hard to tell, since every flat surface was covered with newspapers, pizza boxes and empty beer bottles.  
  
"Uh, sorry. Didn't know you'd be dropping by." Xander smiled sheepishly and began gathering items and carrying them into the kitchen.  
  
"I'd offer to twitch my nose and do the whole 'Bewitched' thing for you, but I'm no more magic girl," Willow called from the living room.  
  
"No more at all, as in ever?" Xander asked, walking back in from the kitchen. "Is that what the coven wants you to do?"  
  
A space was cleared, and they sat down together.  
  
"No, not exactly. They say when I'm ready I can use magic for what it's intended for, to help people. But I don't trust myself. And I don't know if I ever will."  
  
Xander put his arm around her and squeezed. "Magic or no magic, I'm really glad you're home, Will. I missed you."  
  
"I missed you, too."  
  
"Didn't miss Spike much," said Xander, "though you and he seem to be pretty tight these days."  
  
Willow sighed. "You're my best friend, Xan, and you always will be. But he's a part of my life now, too."  
  
"Are you two...?"  
  
"Just friends. Gay now, remember?"  
  
"Praise the Lord, at least one of the women in my life has resisted his charms. So, you got to be friends because he's, like, a completely different person with the soul now, or what?"  
  
"He's not so different. Except for the overwhelming guilt and agonizing pain, which he pretty much has a handle on, I think."  
  
"Thanks to you, I'm thinking," said Xander.  
  
"Xander, the world might be gone now if it wasn't for you. But I might be gone if it wasn't for him. He really helped me. He understands things that you can't because you haven't done what we've done."  
  
"How can you compare yourself to him?" he asked, angry now. "He's a serial killer, for God's sake, Will!"  
  
"Two, two thousand, two hundred thousand. Does it really matter how many?"  
  
"I'm thinkin', yeah, it does matter."  
  
" I know, he was a killer, Xander. But he's a vampire, that's what they do. And he changed himself, made himself a better man."  
  
"Yeah, so he can get in Buffy's pants again."  
  
"Xander, he just wants what we all want. Somebody to love. Surely you can understand that."  
  
Xander shook his head and went into the kitchen to get himself a beer.  
  
  
  
TBC 


	6. Repercussions, chapter 6

Repercussions, Part 6  
  
  
  
  
  
Willow ran through the cemetery as fast as her legs could carry her, stake in hand. She could feel the pounding of her heart in rhythm with the pounding of her boots on the ground. Just a few more yards, she told herself, I'm almost there....  
  
The crypt door flew open and Spike whirled around just in time to see Willow slam it shut and throw herself against the door, breathing hard.  
  
"Red! Are you alright? Where the hell have you been?" He rushed over to her and put his arms around her. He could smell the fear on her and feel her trembling in his arms. "Some nasties tryin' to get you, sweetheart?" he asked more gently.  
  
"I...I don't know. Probably just my imagination. I heard something and I got spooked. I got talking to someone and I forgot the time, I'm so stupid." She squeezed him tighter. "I hate being afraid."  
  
"Hey, hey, none of that. You've patrolled plenty of times before. What got you so scared, pet?"  
  
She pulled back and looked up into his face. "I'm helpless now. I've got no magic to fall back on."  
  
Spike smoothed her hair back from her face. "First, you're not helpless. But we've talked about this before. You need to be able to use it at least for emergencies, don't you think?"  
  
"No!" She pulled away from him and walked to the other side of the crypt. He sighed heavily.  
  
"But Red, to save your life?"  
  
"I said no. Are you ready to leave?"  
  
Spike decided to let it go this time. He wasn't up to dealing with the resolve face at the moment. He walked over to the refrigerator and began rummaging around on top of it. "Give us a minute, pet." Finally, he found what he was looking for. "Aha! I knew they had to be around here somewhere." He held up a half empty carton of cigarettes and took out a pack.  
  
Willow gave him a distasteful look. "I thought you were trying to quit."  
  
"I am tryin'. I'm just not succeeding." He gave her a grin, and despite herself, she smiled back. She really did love this man.  
  
"O.K., o.k., I've got the classifieds here. I've taken the liberty of circling a few I thought you might be interested in. See?" She handed Spike the paper, with a few ads circled in black ink.  
  
"Large windows, lots of light..." he shook his head. "Again with the sunlight jokes, Red?" He took out his lighter and lit a cigarette.  
  
"You smiled. I saw you."  
  
He blew smoke at her. "Did not."  
  
"Did too."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
In the end, Spike quickly chose a small basement apartment near the campus. He dropped Willow off back at her hotel, and then went looking for Anya to let her know that he'd used her name as a reference on the lease. He could have called, he supposed, but he had a few other things to settle with her. Things best said face to face. She wasn't at her apartment, so he dropped by the Magic Box. It hadn't reopened yet, but as he looked through the window he saw that the rebuilding was completed, and only a few areas needed some finishing touches. The front of the store was dark, but there was a light on in the back and he could see someone moving around inside. He rapped on the door, and Anya walked into his line of sight. She smiled when she recognized him, and unlocked the door.  
  
"Spike! So nice to see you. Please come in."  
  
"Thanks, Anya," he stepped inside and she locked the door behind him.  
  
"I was just stocking a few shelves. I've got shipments coming in every day, and there's so much to do before the reopening," she said excitedly, clasping her hands together.  
  
"Need some help? I should start earning my keep, I reckon."  
  
"Sure, come on back." She began to walk toward the back of the store.  
  
"Anya, wait..." he said. She turned and looked at him expectantly. "I, I just wanted to say, I'm sorry if I hurt you, or caused you more problems with Harris, or, um, ...God, this is awkward."  
  
She smiled softly. "I should be the one apologizing to you."  
  
"Me? Why?"  
  
"Because I was trying to use you that night to get vengeance on Xander. That's why I got out the liquor. Of course, that's not what it ended up to be. I want you to know that. I didn't have sex with you to get vengeance on Xander. It was just..."  
  
"You were drunk...." he said helpfully.  
  
"and you smelled really good," she finished. "But then, you always do. Anyway, I may not have been human for that long, but I know what that was. Two sad, lonely people finding solace in each other. But thank you for all the nice things you said to me that night."  
  
"I meant every one of them," he smiled.  
  
"O.K.!" she said, clapping her hands together. "Is the icky, uncomfortable stuff over with? I just want to know, so I can get back to stocking my shelves. The sooner we open, the sooner we make money!"  
  
"On with the money making, luv."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
School would be starting in a few days, and Willow had managed to get a dorm room, much to her relief. She really didn't want to go back to her parents' house. But now she faced another dreaded task, which was packing her room. She had to face Buffy, who had been oh so polite to her, but whom she hadn't had a real conversation with yet. And Dawn, who had not been so polite, but who could blame her. And that room. That god awful room that held so many wonderful memories and a couple of really terrible ones. She really hoped they'd gotten the blood out of the carpet, because she didn't know what she would do if she had to see that.  
  
Buffy had told her to come on over when she called, and Giles had dropped her off. Buffy had looked tired when she opened the door, but she smiled at Willow and hugged her when she came in.  
  
"You want some packing help?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Come on, I'll go up with you." Buffy opened the door to the room and they both stood in the doorway. "I know this is hard," said Buffy, putting her hands on Willow's shoulders. The floor had been cleaned right away, and then the door had been shut and the room pretty much left the way it was. It smelled of eucalyptus and herbs and the mingled scents of Willow and Tara.  
  
"I never asked you," said Willow, "what happened, with Tara. Afterwards. I should have, I should have taken care of her. I just left her here," she said, her voice wavering.  
  
"Dawn found her," Buffy said softly. "And she wouldn't leave her. She stayed with her until Xander and I came back."  
  
Willow looked at her with huge, horror filled eyes. "Dawnie? Oh no. And then I, oh, God, Buffy!"  
  
Buffy rubbed her back and wanted to tell her it was o.k. Except it wasn't. Willow walked into the room and sat down dejectedly on the bed. "I'm never going to be able to fix all this," she said. "I've done too much damage."  
  
"I know the feeling," said Buffy, sitting down next to her, "but sometimes it's not about fixing. Sometimes it's about accepting, and forgiving." She looked into her friends eyes. "I don't know if things will ever be the same. I don't know if I even want them to be. But, I forgive you Will. And I love you. I always will." Willow hugged her. "And now, for the packing, right? I forgot, I have some boxes down in the basement. I'll go grab them."  
  
Willow watched her leave, and then looked around the room. She picked up a photograph off the nightstand and traced the smiling faces with her fingers. Silent tears slid down her cheeks. Dawn stood in the doorway, watching her. Without a word, she stepped into the room and sat down on the bed next to Willow.  
  
"Thank you for staying with her, Dawnie."  
  
Dawn reached out and ran her finger along the edge of the frame. "You're welcome."  
  
  
  
TBC 


	7. Repercussions, chapter 7

Repercussions, Part 7  
  
  
  
  
  
It was a big day for Sunnydale. Well, not really. It was a big day for Anya, and in her world that meant a big day for everyone else, as well. Spike had to smile as he watched her flit around the shop with her feather duster, dusting shelves that were already pristine. Normally, he would be working evenings, allowing the shop to stay open a few hours longer, and giving Anya more opportunities to 'rake in the cash,' as she was fond of saying. But today he was there for the grand opening and ribbon cutting ceremony. As cheesy as it was, he was happy for Anya. Now, she was going over some supply lists with Giles, looking up at him and smiling prettily. 'Good for you, old chap,' Spike said to himself.  
  
Spike went back to arranging the display shelf next to the cash register. He had taken it upon himself to place several smaller, less expensive items here. Things that people might tend to pick up on a whim as they waited at the cash register. He'd never fancied himself a business man, but between this gig and the analysis he'd prepared for the council, he thought he wasn't half bad at it. He still loved poetry, though he'd never admit it; he'd stick to reading it now.  
  
The bell rang above the door, and Spike looked up to see Buffy enter. She waved to Anya and Giles and ducked under the ribbon that was stretched in front of the doorway.  
  
"Hey," she said, walking over to him.  
  
"Hello, Buffy."  
  
"So, today's the big day!"  
  
"So it is." He hopped up on the counter.  
  
"I just dropped Dawn off at school so I thought I'd drop by and catch the ceremony." She and Spike shared a grin. "Is Willow going to show?" she asked him.  
  
"Nah, not today, at least. Doesn't want to ruin the day for Anya."  
  
"Yeah," she sighed. " I know Anya's not really mad at Willow, but she probably doesn't want to be reminded of why she had to go months and months without making any money."  
  
"Indeed. That's not what capitalism is all about, after all."  
  
"Soo..." said Buffy. Spike cocked his scarred eyebrow at her, waiting for her to continue. "Sooo...Oh, thank God, I mean, look, the media has arrived." One lone photographer from the Sunnydale Herald had entered the store. "Surely you could do better with the publicity, marketing boy?"  
  
"The Pennysaver's running a full page ad. No photos, though."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Buffy managed to survive the ribbon cutting ceremony, although the combination of the photographer's flash and Anya's ultra bright smile had nearly blinded her. Her real reason for going, of course, if she admitted it to herself, and she would since she was No!Denial!Buffy, on the inside at least, was the gorgeous blonde behind the counter. Or on the counter, as the case may be. She nearly had palpitations when he jumped up there. She didn't really know why she was putting herself through this when he was obviously not interested. He was cool, calm, and collected while she had been...not. He was friendly, just as he said he wanted to be. Let's be friends. Yay. Why did that upset her? Why couldn't they just be friends? Because she wanted more, dammit. Why, she wasn't sure. Because he was different? Was that a good thing, or not? Why did things always have to be so complicated?  
  
So, forget it. She would just forget about him, and move on. Yup, that's exactly what she'd do.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Buffy stood outside the school waiting for Dawn. "Buffy! What are you doing here? I didn't know you were picking me up."  
  
"Want to go to the Magic Box? It's the grand reopening today!" They began to walk.  
  
"Not so much, Buffy. I've got a lot of homework, and I'm really kind of...."  
  
"Want to go to the Magic Box? It's the grand reopening today!"  
  
"Oh, you mean you need an excuse to go gawk at Spike."  
  
Buffy looked down at her shoes, then back up at Dawn. "Yes."  
  
"Well, why didn't you say so? Let's go."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
When they entered the Magic Box this time around, it was bustling with activity.  
  
"Wow," said Dawn, "I haven't seen it this busy in here since Halloween."  
  
Buffy looked around the shop to find Giles manning the cash register, Anya on the phone, and Spike surrounded by a group of coeds who were obviously more interested in the help than the merchandise. She walked to the back of the store, where Xander lurked about, picking things up and setting them down without really looking at them. All the while he kept one eye on Anya.  
  
"Xan man, what's up?"  
  
"Nothing. Absolutely, positively nothing." He set the statue he was holding down just a bit too hard on the glass shelf, causing the other object to rattle and teeter precariously. Anya looked up from her phone call and glared at him. He held up his hands and mouthed 'sorry' to her, and she turned away in thinly veiled disgust.  
  
"You still trying to get Anya to give you another shot, huh?"  
  
"With no success, and hope is currently in the 'slim to none' category."  
  
Buffy had become rather tired of Xander's mooning over Anya all summer, but today she felt oddly sympathetic.  
  
"I'm sorry, Xan. Love is just...dumb."  
  
"Couldn't have said it better myself."  
  
Buffy noticed that Anya was off the phone and she and Dawn were now chatting. She left Xander and walked over to join them.  
  
"Buffy! Dawn tells me that you're here looking for your young man?"  
  
"What?! Dawn!"  
  
Dawn burst into hysterical laughter. "I just told her that you had a crush on a boy, and you were here hoping to catch a glimpse of him."  
  
"I am so going to kill you."  
  
"So," said Anya, "is it one of these college boys in here? Because I must tell you, most of them seem to have been brought here by a female. Although all the females seem to be congregated around Spike now, so you may still have a chance."  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes.  
  
"Oh, I know!" said Anya. "I'll guess! It'll be a game. You give me three accurate but misleading clues and I'll try to guess who it is."  
  
"I am not going to do this."  
  
"I will!" said Dawn. Buffy put her head in her hands and sighed in defeat. "O.K., clue number one, he's really old. Number two, uh, he's blonde, sort of...and number three, he's, he's British!"  
  
"Tough clues, Dawn," said Buffy dryly.  
  
"Hmm, old, blond, and British. Well the blond part leaves out Giles, thank God, for so many reasons. Let's see, let's see," she pondered, looking around the shop. "Ah! That Krushnil demon over there!" Buffy and Dawn looked to where she was pointing and saw a middle aged man with a shock of unnaturally yellow hair who looked entirely human except for a rather bluish cast to his skin.  
  
"Nope, sorry, and you only get one guess," said Buffy quickly.  
  
"Phooey! O.K., now it's my turn. You have to guess who I have a crush on," said Anya.  
  
"You have a crush on someone?" asked Dawn with a smile.  
  
"Yes, and here are your clues. He's very handsome. He's very smart. And he has the most adorable habit of cleaning his glasses when he gets upset."  
  
"Oh. My. God. You have a crush on Giles?" asked Buffy, looking at Dawn, who had clamped her hand over her mouth to keep from squealing.  
  
"Yes! You got it on the first try! It was that 'smart' clue, wasn't it?"  
  
  
  
TBC 


	8. Repercussions, chapter 8

Repercussions, part 8  
  
  
  
  
  
Buffy lingered in front of the Magic Box window for a moment, trying to decide whether to go inside. The sign had already been turned over from "open" to "closed," and she could see him moving around inside. He had been counting out the drawer when she arrived, and now he locked the cash register. Next he walked over to the research table - the new, completely and deliberately unlike the old research table - and picked up some books that were lying there, reshelving them in their proper location. As he bent to pick something up off the floor, she saw him pause and put his hand to his head, massaging his temples, and then running his hands through his hair. He rolled his shoulders, trying to work the kinks out. 'He looks tired,' she thought, 'I should just leave.' That's when he turned around and looked directly at her. He smiled and held his hand up, signaling her to wait, put the last book away, and then came over and unlocked the door.  
  
"I see those vampire senses work through plate glass," she said.  
  
"Somethin' like that." Up close she could see that he really did look tired.  
  
"Are you o.k.?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah, why?" He reached behind the counter and grabbed his coat, still black, still leather, but much shorter in length.  
  
"You just look a little tired."  
  
"I'm fine, no worries. Want some company on patrol?"  
  
"No, you don't have to." She watched him slip into his coat, and thought of the other black leather jacket hanging in her closet at home. He hadn't mentioned it, and neither had she.  
  
"That's why you came by, innit?"  
  
"Well, yes."  
  
He began walking toward the back. "Then let's go kick a little demon ass" he said with a grin.  
  
And kick ass they did. The vampires had been particularly numerous and nasty lately, and Buffy was glad to have Spike there for more reasons than one. He had only been patrolling with her a couple of times since he'd returned, and she had been pleased to see that they still had that unspoken communication when they fought together, and she still got a thrill out it. He anticipated her every move, and she his.  
  
Until that last vamp, that is.  
  
She went for the roundhouse kick, the vamp ducked, and Spike's face connected solidly with her boot. He hit the ground hard, and Buffy staked the vamp, then crawled over to Spike, where he lay on his back, holding his head in his hands.  
  
"I'm so, so sorry. Are you alright?" She kneeled over him.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, it's not your fault. I got in the way. Besides, you didn't kick me that hard."  
  
"Let me see," she said, pulling his hands away. There was only a small mark on his face, but his eyes were filled with pain. "I think I see...yeah, genuine leather uppers...."  
  
He laughed and rolled over, getting to his feet. "Don't tease a bloke with no reflection."  
  
They walked slowly back to her house, and when they stopped in front she did what she'd wanted to do the other nights he'd patrolled with her, but had been too chicken to. She asked him in.  
  
"I don't think so, Buffy. Not tonight."  
  
Rejection. She wanted to run into the house and hide under her covers, but she took a deep breath and plowed ahead. "Oh, come on. I'll make you hot chocolate, with those little marshmallows. And I'll even throw in an ice pack. What do you say?"  
  
He hesitated, trying to think of what to say to her. And the worst thing was, she could see that it wasn't because he was conflicted. He was trying to let her down easy. He wasn't coming in.  
  
"Buffy, that's sound great, but my head really hurts. I think I'll just go home. Maybe some other time." He gave her a half wave and started to walk away.  
  
"Spike!" she called after him.  
  
He turned around, and she couldn't quite tell if that pinched look on his face, the one that he was trying to hide, was because his head hurt, or because he was annoyed and just wanted to leave.  
  
"I'm sorry I kicked you. I didn't mean to hurt you."  
  
His face softened. "I know, slayer. Hazards of the job and all that. Wasn't your fault, I told you that. Besides, kinda had a bit of a headache to begin with. Must be all that tiny hand writing of Giles's I'm always trying to read."  
  
"Yeah, that must be it. Good night, Spike."  
  
He gave her a tired smile, and then walked away.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
The following day, Buffy called Willow and arranged to meet her for lunch at the on-campus pub. As she sat waiting for her and sipping on an iced tea, Buffy looked around at all the college kids, people her age, chatting over burgers and text books. She was a bit envious, but she didn't truly want to be them anymore. This wasn't her world, and she knew it.  
  
"Hey, Buffy!" Willow slid into the chair across from her, throwing her backpack down on the floor. "What's up?"  
  
"Just missed you. Needed the girl talk," Buffy said truthfully. "How is it, being back on campus?"  
  
"It's good, really. It's nice to have a routine." Willow grinned. "You know me. The only person I know who loves homework. How are you doing? You look a little down."  
  
The waitress came by then and they ordered their food. Buffy swirled her straw around in her glass, clinking the ice cubes against the sides. Willow waited patiently.  
  
"I, uh, we never really talked about me and Spike," she finally said.  
  
"No, we didn't," Willow said softly. "I wish you had confided in me."  
  
"I couldn't. I just...couldn't, not then."  
  
"What about now?" Willow asked.  
  
"There's nothing to confide now. There is no me and Spike." Their food arrived and Buffy took a bite of a French fry.  
  
"So, is that why you brought it up? Because there's nothing to talk about?"  
  
Buffy let out a little laugh "Right. Well, I...I miss him," she sighed. "I kept telling him to move on, and when he finally left, I couldn't stop thinking about him. And now that he's back, I miss him more than ever. But it doesn't matter. He doesn't feel the same way about me anymore."  
  
"Is that what he said?" Willow struggled to keep her voice neutral. She didn't really want to be in this position, but she cared about both of them.  
  
"Sort of. He just wants to be friends."  
  
"What do you want?" Willow asked between bites of salad.  
  
"More."  
  
"More as in sex or more as in a relationship?"  
  
Buffy shook her head and smiled ruefully. "He gave you all the gory details, didn't he?"  
  
"It wasn't like that, Buffy. We were both in a really bad place. He needed someone to talk to."  
  
"You must think I'm a terrible person, the way I treated him." She toyed with another fry, dipping it in and out of a dollop of ketchup on her plate.  
  
Willow set down her fork. "Buffy, I'm so not with the judgement when it comes to relationship behavior. I did a terrible thing to Tara. Twice. And it cost me a lot of time with her. I love both you and Spike, and I just want you to be happy. Spike..." she hesitated, wondering how much she should say. "Spike feels...bad is not a strong enough word...for how he behaved. As for how you treated him, well, it's complicated. I think at this point it's safer for him to believe that it's entirely hopeless."  
  
Buffy's eyes filled with tears. "But I've changed, and so has he. I think it could be different this time."  
  
"Have you told him that?" Willow asked.  
  
"No. I'm afraid. I'm afraid he'll laugh in my face, or worse, he'll be all rational and adult about it and I'll be all blithering idiot." She looked up from her plate.  
  
"Maybe you should just give it some time, see what happens. He's dealing with a lot of stuff right now, Buff."  
  
"I know, I know, but patience. A virtue. Not mine." Buffy pushed her plate aside. "Will, I'm not asking you to reveal any confidences. But, do you think I have a chance? I just don't want to make a fool out of myself."  
  
Willow smiled sadly. "If you really want him, Buffy, you might have to risk it."  
  
"I know," sighed Buffy. "Love is just one whole big risky thing."  
  
  
  
TBC 


	9. Repercussions, chapter 9

Repercussions, Part 9  
  
  
  
The ground floor hallway of the apartment building was quiet and dimly lit. She heard a door open and then close again a couple of floors up, followed by footsteps on the stairs. They ended with the front door being opened and closed with a bang on the floor above her. Most people would still be at work, although it was late afternoon and they would begin arriving home shortly. She had considered calling and letting him know she was coming, but she didn't really want him to be that prepared. He knew her too well already.  
  
Buffy screwed up her courage and knocked tentatively on the apartment door. I can do this, she thought. If I can save the world a half dozen times, I can tell a guy I like him. She waited. No answer. She knocked again, harder this time. When the door didn't open immediately she began walking quickly back down the hall and toward the stairs. The door opened when she was halfway there.  
  
"Slayer, where ya goin'?"  
  
She turned and walked towards him. "Oh, I thought, maybe you weren't home, or were asleep. Or something."  
  
"I'm here," he said. He took a step back and opened the door a little wider in invitation, and she stepped across the threshold. The room was dark, but warm and inviting, lit by a few small table lamps. Music was playing softly in the background. It was neither his beloved punk, nor classical, as she imagined William might have listened to. Instead, it was something bluesy. Guitars and saxophones. Spike was wearing black jeans, with a blue cotton shirt unbuttoned over them, his feet bare, his hair tousled.  
  
"I woke you up," she observed. She wondered if he could here her heart pounding. No one had ever had such a physical affect on her.  
  
"Not really." He raked his hands through his hair, trying to straighten it, and then began buttoning up his shirt. "Can I get you somethin' to drink maybe?"  
  
"No. No thanks. How's your head?"  
  
He reached up and touched his cheek, where there was a small abrasion. "Feels o.k. How's it look?"  
  
"There's just a little scrape. Don't worry. You're still as handsome as ever." An odd look passed over his face. She'd made him uncomfortable again, and she almost lost her nerve. She took a deep breath. "Can we sit down?" she asked.  
  
"Oh, sorry, go ahead," he said, nodding towards the living room. She sat on the sofa, but instead of sitting next to her, he chose the chair.  
  
He sat there silently, staring not at her but at some point just to the right of her head, and she had the distinct feeling that he knew exactly why she was there. He used to be all coiled energy, unable to keep still. Now he was calmer, more centered, and somehow, to her at least, more intimidating. Again, she almost got up and left. But she decided she owed it to him to go through with this, even if he made her feel like a fool; she'd made him feel that way too many times.  
  
"I wanted to talk to you about...us." He looked at her now, swallowed hard, but didn't say anything. "I...I would like, oh boy," she took a shaky breath. "I have um, feelings for you, and I know what you said before, about being just friends, but I wondered, if maybe we could try, you know, to be more than friends." His expression didn't change. "Look, if you could say something, anything at all, it would be helpful, because otherwise I'm liable to keep babbling...."  
  
"Buffy," he sighed, "I just don't think it's a good idea."  
  
"I know, given our history, it seems that way. But, things are so much different now."  
  
He closed his eyes for a moment. God, this is what he always wanted, wasn't it?  
  
"You mean, because I have a soul?" he asked, looking into her eyes.  
  
"Not just that. I've changed, too. But, isn't that why you did it? So that we could be together?"  
  
"Yes, that's what I thought before. But, I just wish...."  
  
"You wish I had loved you without a soul. And now that you have a soul, you don't want me anymore. Let's pause and appreciate the irony." She stared at her hands which refused to remain still.  
  
"I never said that." He put his hands to his head and exhaled a frustrated breath. "A part of me will always love you. I just can't go back to what we had. You said that being with me was killing you. And our relationship, if you can call it that, did practically kill me. Things have changed, Buffy. I've changed."  
  
"I treated you beyond badly. I know that! I thought you forgave me. And I did have feelings for you. I told you that before, Spike. I just couldn't, I couldn't...." She began to cry.  
  
"I know, and I do forgive you," he said gently. He got up from the chair and walked behind it, gripping the back with his hands. "What do you want to hear, Buffy? That I'm barely hangin' on? About the nightmares I have every time I close my eyes? That every time I look at you I see your face like it was that day in your bathroom? You ask me why I look tired. It's 'cause I hardly bloody sleep. I'm tryin' to get through this, but I just can't take any high drama right now. I've had enough. I don't trust myself right now and I certainly don't...." He turned his back to her and leaned against the chair.  
  
"You don't trust me," she finished. She gave him a moment to compose himself, then went and stood in front of him. "I'm sorry you're in so much pain," she said, " because of me."  
  
His eyes welled up with tears and he shook his head vehemently. "No, not your fault. My decision."  
  
She walked slowly to the door and opened it. "Are we still friends?"  
  
"I hope so."  
  
"And maybe more some day? Come on, throw me a crumb." He looked up to find her smiling teasingly at him, but her eyes still shone with tears.  
  
"Yeah," he said, returning her smile and wiping his own tears off his face with the heels of his hands, "someday."  
  
She stepped into the hall and started to close the door. Hesitating, she looked back at him. "You know what I see every time I look at your face?"  
  
He didn't trust his voice, and just shook his head.  
  
"I see the man who said that every night, he saved me."  
  
She shut the door, and when he heard the click of the latch he walked quickly to it and put his hand on the knob.  
  
But he didn't open it.  
  
  
  
TBC 


	10. Repercussions, chapter 10

Repercussions, Part 10  
  
  
  
Xander debated about whether to stop by the Magic Box after work, or just go directly to the Bronze. He knew he'd end up at the bar at some point anyway, but being rejected by Anya once again was kind of a self-imposed penance, and he figured he wasn't absolved just yet. And of course, there was that smidgen of hope in the back of his mind that said maybe, this time, things would be different. It coexisted next to that other niggling thought that he refused to acknowledge.  
  
When he arrived at the store, he saw Clem leaning against the counter, talking to Spike and gesturing animatedly. Xander had to smile. He actually liked Clem. He'd never met a sweeter person, or demon, in his life. And it never failed to amuse him how the citizens of Sunnydale ignored his "skin condition." A young mother with a baby in a sling smiled at Clem as she set down some candles on the counter and fished through her purse for a few bills,, which she handed to Spike.  
  
"Hey Clem," he said, clapping the demon on the back. "How's kittens?"  
  
"Xander! Good to see you!" he smiled.  
  
"Spike," Xander greeted him neutrally. "Is Anya around?"  
  
Spike gave the young woman her bag, her change, and a smile guaranteed to make her a repeat customer. "No, she's out of town, mate." *Not that she'd have anything to do with you anyway*  
  
"Out of town? Where out of town?"  
  
"Well," Spike looked at the clock, "she's probably somewhere over the Atlantic about now. She and Giles went to London. Giles had to present my analysis to the council for Buffy. And Anya wanted to go relic hunting." *and watcher shagging*  
  
"But, why didn't she just teleport?"  
  
*Because she and Giles wanted to snog all the way to London in first class, you stupid git* "Uh, I think they had, you know, business stuff to go over. That kind of thing."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
The shop was pretty much empty now. Xander set down on the edge of the research table. "I'm an idiot, aren't I?"  
  
Spike and Clem looked at each other. "Do you really want me to answer that, Harris?" Clem hit Spike in the shoulder and his skin flaps swung back and forth, hitting Spike a few more times. "Hey, watch it, mate."  
  
"Sorry." Clem grinned sheepishly.  
  
Spike walked over and sat next to Xander on the table.  
  
"She's not going to take me back, is she?"  
  
Spike sighed. "Doesn't look like it."  
  
"She's seeing Giles, isn't she?" That niggling thought had now taken up residence in the front of his mind.  
  
"Figured it out, didja?"  
  
"I'm not completely clueless, tales of naked exercising be damned. I mean, would she actually pay for an airline ticket for any other reason? Please!"  
  
He got up and began to trudge toward the door. Clem gestured to Spike, mouthing, 'do something!' and pointing toward Xander. Spike sighed, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
"Harris, where do you think you're going?"  
  
"To the Bronze, to get rip roaringly drunk." He didn't miss a step.  
  
"Hold on." Xander turned around. "Look Harris, in my experience, too much liquor in your state of mind can only lead to bad, bad things."  
  
"Oh, yeah? Well, what do you care, anyway?"  
  
"Haven't a clue. Maybe it's because we happen to love the same group of women, who for some unknown reason give a damn about what happens to you. And I'm not going to stand by and let you screw up if I can help it."  
  
Xander tried to get angry. He really did. But he was too tired and depressed to work up much of a mad. His shoulders slumped in defeat. "So, what am I gonna do then? You got any better ideas?"  
  
"Yeah, matter of fact, I do. I'm closin' early tonight. DO NOT tell Anya. Clem and I got a poker game, and we need another player. We're playin' for cash, not kittens, no worries." Xander looked uncertain. "Come on, it'll be fun. You'll be the only human there. You can feel all warm blooded and superior."  
  
Xander shrugged. "O.K."  
  
As they walked down the street towards Spike's car, Clem put a fleshy arm around the man on either side of him. "Here we are, the three musketeers!" he said happily. Spike and Xander both groaned. Actually, though, they weren't that miserable.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
"Rupert?"  
  
"Yes, Anyanka."  
  
She smiled adoringly at him. "Why do you always call me that?"  
  
Giles put aside his paperwork and looked over the top of his glasses at her. "Because it's a lovely name, darling. Unusual and exotic. Like you."  
  
She sighed happily and he kissed her hand.  
  
"What were you going to ask me, dearest?"  
  
"Oh, well, I was going to inquire as to whether you were aware that Buffy is in love with Spike."  
  
"Ah, well, I did surmise that, yes."  
  
She leaned in conspiratorially. "I guessed wrong intentionally in our who's your crush on game so as to allow her to maintain her illusion of secrecy. I mean, really, she would never go for the Krushnil demon."  
  
"Obviously." He smiled at her. "It was very kind of you to do that."  
  
"It was kind, wasn't it? You know, I just wish people had better timing. Why can't anyone love someone at the same time that the one they love loves them?" She paused thoughtfully. "Am I being too circuitous?"  
  
"Not at all dear, I understand you perfectly. And I do hope that Spike and Buffy can come to some mutually satisfying...er...resolution of their situation. There is one flaw in your analysis regarding bad timing, though."  
  
"Really, what's that?"  
  
"That would be us, Anyanka." He cupped her cheek in his hand and kissed her deeply.  
  
"Oh, Rupie..."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Willow rolled over and looked at the clock when the phone rang. It was 6:18 a.m. she had the ringer on low and the phone on the far side of her bed, away from her roommate, who was a sound sleeper anyway. She picked it up quickly. "Hi sweetie."  
  
"Hi Red. Sorry to wake you. Again." She could tell by his voice it was a bad one.  
  
"Would you stop with the sorries? You should know you don't have to say that by now. Besides, I've got an early class, and I owe you a few wake ups, don't I?"  
  
"Yeah, I s'pose," he sighed.  
  
"Want to tell me about it?"  
  
"It was about Buffy."  
  
"Oh. That one again?"  
  
"No, not that. It was...somethin' else. A new one." Willow could almost hear him running his hand through his hair. "Bugger. Remember I told you what she said to me in that alley, when she thought she killed the girl?"  
  
"Oh, yeah."  
  
"It was that. I just kept hearing it over and over again. 'There's nothing good in you. There's nothing clean in you. I could never be your girl.'"  
  
"Spike," she said softly, "you know she doesn't think that way anymore. She told you that, right?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"And, I'm not trying to make excuses for her, but I don't think she even meant it at the time. She was just...messed up."  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"She loves you."  
  
"She never said that."  
  
"But I think she does. She took a big chance in coming to you the other day. She was terrified you would reject her."  
  
"And of course, I did. God."  
  
"She decided you were worth the risk. Maybe it's time for you to think about taking a risk, too."  
  
"I...I'll think about it."  
  
"Good. Now you go back to sleep. Good night, William."  
  
Spike hung up the phone and stared at the ceiling. He wasn't going to get anymore sleep today.  
  
  
  
TBC 


	11. Repercussions, chapter 11

Repercussions, Part 11  
  
  
  
  
  
Buffy stared unbelievingly at the horror before her. Then Dawn and Willow entered the kitchen and gasped. "Buffy! My God! What have you done?"  
  
"I've slain them all," she admitted, waving her hand over the carnage.  
  
"Buffy! You ate all my Haagen Dazs!"  
  
"Actually, one was Ben and Jerry's." Three empty ice cream containers sat on the kitchen table. "And they weren't all full! Well, one wasn't. But hey, let me just change the subject. Looks like you guys are up for a fun movie night. And as luck would have it, the DMP had a flood - nasty bathroom incident, resulting in a night off for me. So, what are we watching?" she asked, grabbing for the Blockbuster bag.  
  
Willow and Dawn exchanged a look. "Buffy, we're going to Spike's place to watch movies," said Dawn gently.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"And you're coming with us," decided Willow.  
  
"No. No, I am not. I will stay here and have lots of fun with myself. And that came out way dirtier than it sounded in my head."  
  
"Willow's right, Buffy. How is anything going to happen with you two if you keep avoiding each other?"  
  
"But, he didn't invite me," she pouted.  
  
"He didn't invite us either, Buff, we invited ourselves. Come on, you guys are supposed to be friends." Willow did the little air quotes with her fingers. "Friends hang out and watch movies. No biggie. You're coming with us, and that's final."  
  
"No, no, not the resolve face! Anything but that!" Buffy cried, but to no avail.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Spike flung open the door. "How are my two favorite girls?" Dawn and Willow entered, each pecking him on the cheek.  
  
"That's women to you!" said Dawn.  
  
"So sorry for being non-PC."  
  
"And then came Buffy." She stood in the doorway uncertainly.  
  
"Slayer." A slow smile spread across his face. "Make that, three favorite." She blushed, and scooted through the doorway. He shook his head as he shut the door. "Too damn cute."  
  
Spike walked into the living room. "So, what are we watching?" Dawn handed him the bag, and he took out two DVD's. "Oh, no. Slayer!"  
  
She held up her hands. "I didn't have anything to do with it. They'd already rented them before I became involved. And I share your pain."  
  
"Serendipity? Isn't that an ice cream shop or something?"  
  
Willow shrugged. "I like Kate Beckinsdale. She's hot."  
  
"John Cusack, also with the hotness," commented Dawn.  
  
"The Royal Tenenbaums? What the bloody hell is this?"  
  
"It's quirky," smiled Willow.  
  
"Don't bother to argue, I can tell you, it's hopeless. Where's the popcorn?" asked Buffy. Spike pointed her towards the kitchen, where he found her on her tip toes, trying to reach the top shelf a few moments later.  
  
"Why do you have it up so high?"  
  
"Here, shorty. Let me help you." He came up behind her and reached over her head to grab the box, his chest brushing against her back. When she turned around he was still standing close to her. He handed her the popcorn.  
  
She arched an eyebrow at him. "Shorty?"  
  
"I guess I shouldn't comment. I'm not exactly in danger of being recruited by the NBA, now, am I?"  
  
She regarded him for a moment. "That's good, because if you were, you'd be way too tall for me." He watched her every move as she threw a bag of popcorn in the microwave, punched the button, and sauntered out of the room. It was only then that he noticed Dawn standing in the doorway. She came in and grabbed several sodas out of the fridge.  
  
"You do realize," she said coolly, "that you are so, so doomed." She flounced out with the certainty that only comes with being almost 16 years old.  
  
"Yeah," he said to the closed door. "But, what a way to go."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
The four of them sat on the sofa, Buffy and Spike on either end, Willow and Dawn sandwiched between them. By the time the second movie was halfway finished, the pair in the middle had fallen asleep, their heads resting together against the back of the sofa.  
  
"Oh, thank God. Now we can put something decent on," said Buffy.  
  
"My thoughts exactly." Spike got up and rifled through his small movie collection. "How about this one?" He tossed her the DVD case.  
  
"Ooh, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I've always wanted to see this." She tossed it back to him and he put it in the machine.  
  
"I'm surprised you never did," he said, adjusting the volume with the remote control.  
  
"Well, I guess I was dating Riley at the time it came out. I think the subtitles scared him off."  
  
Spike smirked at her. "Did you just say something vaguely negative about Captain Cardboard?"  
  
"You mean that giant boy scout I used to date?" He laughed. "Riley is a nice guy, Spike. But he's not the one for me." Spike swallowed hard and fiddled with the remote again.  
  
As they watched the film, Buffy kept stealing glances at Spike sprawled on the other end of the sofa, his arm draped over the back. He sprawls like no one else, she thought with a smile. A particularly spectacular move in the film caught her eye.  
  
"Hey Spike, maybe I should try that one, what do you think? Hmm? Spike?" She looked over to find him staring off into space. She placed her hand on his. "Hey, you."  
  
He slowly turned his head to look at her, and smiled. "Hey. Sorry."  
  
"Where'd you go?"  
  
"You don't want to know." He was smiling, but his eyes held so much pain, and somehow that made them even more beautiful to her.  
  
"Try me."  
  
He shook his head. "Can't."  
  
Her hand was still on his, and she squeezed it. "I'm worried about you. I wish you would let me help you."  
  
He lifted his hand and laced their fingers together, gazing at her down the length of the sofa. "You are."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
The next day, Buffy picked Dawn up after school, and they headed to the Magic Box, so Buffy could 'gawk at Spike,' as Dawn put it. Buffy didn't bother to protest. "He's very gawkable," was her reply.  
  
For Spike's part, he couldn't quite keep a big grin off his face when he saw them come in. He was busy with a customer, though, so Buffy sat down at the table with Dawn while she started in on her home work. Buffy's cell phone rang. Spike walked over after she was done with her call.  
  
"That was Giles," she said.  
  
"Any news?" asked Spike.  
  
"Well, yes," Buffy answered without enthusiasm.  
  
"The presentation didn't go well?" he asked, with a pained expression.  
  
"Well," she said, "let's put it this way. Giles said I can burn my cow hat."  
  
Spike and Dawn looked at each other. "Really?" squealed Dawn.  
  
"Really," smiled Buffy. She looked at Spike. "You did it."  
  
He looked amazed. "I did?"  
  
She stood up. "You did."  
  
"They actually went for it. I can't believe it."  
  
"Yup," she said, walking towards him. "You did it. You incredible, smart, beautiful man." She grabbed his face in her hands. "You are my hero." And she kissed him, full on the mouth.  
  
The Magic Box patrons erupted in applause, although they had no idea what they were clapping about. Meanwhile, Dawn jumped up and down screaming "No more Doublemeat Medleys!" Spike looked stunned, pleased, and embarrassed all at the same time.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
To celebrate, Spike took them out to dinner at a restaurant of their choice, anywhere that did not serve burgers. After he drove them home, Dawn gave him a big hug and then sprinted into the house. Spike walked Buffy up to the front door. He took her hand, and kissed it, looking up into her eyes.  
  
"Wow," was all she could manage.  
  
"Victorian manners. Can't seem to shake 'em."  
  
"Not a problem," she smiled.  
  
He hopped down the steps to the walk.  
  
"Hey, Spike? I'm sorry I kissed you like that, in front of everybody."  
  
He smiled at her and bit his bottom lip thoughtfully. "S'okay, slayer. Buffy kisses..." He put a hand over his heart. "...among the seven wonders of my world."  
  
She opened her mouth in surprise. "Is that so? What are the other six?"  
  
He laughed and began to walk backwards down the walk. "Oh, you consistently hold the top five spots, luv." He opened his car door, still facing her.  
  
"And what are the other two, then?"  
  
"Hmm, let's see." He folded himself into the car. "A pint of AB-, quite rare, and," he slammed the door, "oh! That bloomin' onion thing they got at the Bronze. Bloody brilliant, that."  
  
"I'm on the same list as food?!" He grinned at her and started the car. As it rumbled to life she laughed and yelled, "you are still evil!" He blew her a kiss, and drove away.  
  
  
  
TBC 


	12. Repercussions, chapter 12

Repercussions, Part 12  
  
  
  
  
  
Anya smiled brightly when she heard the bell over the door ring. She looked up to greet her potential customer, but her smile faded slightly when she saw who it was.  
  
"Hello, Xander."  
  
Xander stopped mid-stride. "Anya! I didn't know you were back."  
  
"Yes, I thought I'd better not take advantage of Spike any longer. Although he's done a superb job. He does have a life, after all, or an unlife, rather." He looked much better than the last time she'd seen him. His hair was neatly trimmed, the circles beneath his eyes were less noticeable, and that bloated look had left his face. "You look good," she said. "But please don't misconstrue that as interest on my part of a romantic or sexual nature. Because it's not."  
  
In spite of himself, Xander had to smile. "I won't," he said.  
  
"Well, good. And as long as you're here, there's something I have to tell you." She folded her hands together nervously.  
  
"Is it about you and Giles?" he asked.  
  
"Why yes," she said, surprised. Her eyes narrowed. "Wait a minute. You don't have some secret camera in here again, do you?" Her eyes darted around the shop.  
  
"For Pete's sake, Anya, no! Although, one wonders why you'd be worried, but please DO NOT tell me." He ran a hand over his face. "No, An, I just figured it out, o.k.?"  
  
"Oh, o.k. Look, I don't want to hurt you. I really don't. And Giles doesn't want to hurt you either. You're like a... well, not a son, exactly, more like a nephew or distant cousin...."  
  
He smiled again. "An, I get it. I blew it. You've moved on. It hurts, it really does. But I'm going to try not to be an ass about it."  
  
Hurt and regret touched her eyes, just for a moment. "Thank you, Xander," she said softly.  
  
"Just tell me one thing," he said.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Are you happy?"  
  
She smiled, a completely sincere and joy-filled smile. "Yes, Xander, I am."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
"Spike, you are the suckiest sparring partner I have ever had."  
  
"Of course I'm the suckiest," he teased, waggling his eyebrows at her.  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. Come on, do I have to get puffy Xander in here? He's more of a challenge than you. You. Have. To. Hit. Me."  
  
"I am."  
  
"You are not. You're just blocking me. Come on, you, you big poofter!"  
  
Spike's mouth dropped open in incredulity. "What did you just call me, slayer?" he asked, stalking cat-like towards her.  
  
She smiled devilishly. Now she had him. "Poofter. Wanker. Tosser. Nancy boy!" She raised her fists defensively, and he attacked.  
  
"Arghhhh!" Spike grabbed his head and dropped to the floor in pain. One right cross in her general direction was all it took.  
  
"Oh, God. Spike?" She fell to her knees beside him, touching his shoulder gingerly. "Baby, does it hurt?"  
  
"Of course it hurts, and did you just call me baby?" The pain forgotten, he raised his head and looked into her eyes.  
  
She leaned forward, her hands resting on his shoulder. "Can I kiss it better?" she asked softly. Her lips brushed against his temple, and he closed his eyes. She moved softly down to his cheek, his jaw, the corner of his mouth. He could feel her warm, sweet breath against his skin. Then her lips were on his and her velvet tongue was tangling with his own, and he thought that he would endure any pain just to be kissed like this again. Her eyes. He had to see her eyes. He put his hands on her face, his thumbs caressing her cheeks, and pulled her away from him gently.  
  
"Buffy..." Her name was like a prayer on his lips. He needed her so much. She could save him. If he saw what he needed to in her eyes, she could save him. And there it was, the love, the acceptance he had waited so long for. "Buffy, I love you so much."  
  
"Spike, I ..." The door banged open.  
  
"Hey guys, is Dawn in here?" Xander practically shouted.  
  
Buffy leapt to her feet. "Xander! Uh, no! She's, she left."  
  
"Oh. O.K. I was supposed to take her for a driving lesson. Everything all right in here?" He looked at Buffy in confusion. She was acting weirder than usual.  
  
"Yes! I mean, Spike, his chip went off. We were sparring and his chip went off. And I was just making sure he was o.k."  
  
"And?"  
  
"And what?!"  
  
"Annnd... what's the verdict? Spike, you o.k., man?"  
  
Spike looked up at him from the floor. "Just bloody great." He started to stand up and Buffy extended a hand to him. He ignored it.  
  
"Ohhhkey, dokey then. Well, since Dawn is obviously elsewhere, I will be leaving now, to, uh, look elsewhere."  
  
As the door banged shut, Buffy turned to look at Spike, and for the first time since that night in her bathroom, she was afraid of him. A mask of fury covered up the hurt and betrayal that she would otherwise have seen there.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
He just stood there, arms at his sides, fists clenching and unclenching.  
  
"Spike, I just panicked for a minute. I said, I'm sorry." She took a step towards him.  
  
"Don't."  
  
"Look, it's just, it's just Xander, o.k.? You know how he is. But, I'll tell him. I'll go out there right now and tell him."  
  
"Tell him what, slayer? Nothin' to tell."  
  
"Don't say that," she whispered. He began to walk towards the door. "Spike, please! Me doing that, it's just, it's just a bad habit!" she said to his retreating back.  
  
He stopped, and for a moment she had hope that she had gotten through to him. "A bad habit, slayer?" he tossed back over his shoulder. "Makes one wonder what other bad habits the two of us might still have." She began to go after him again, but as he walked past the vaulting horse, he shoved it behind him and it came hurtling towards her. She had to jump out of the way so it wouldn't hit her. That was when she started to cry.  
  
Spike strode through the Magic Box, looking at nothing and no one until he got to Anya behind the counter. "Need the night off, luv."  
  
"No problem." She observed him warily, but said nothing else. He opened the door to the basement and thundered down the steps. She and Xander exchanged a look, then both of their heads jerked towards the training room door as they heard the crashing and banging sounds coming from inside. Anya shook her head resignedly and went back to her books. "Bad timing."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Spike had made it to the sewer tunnels by the time Xander found him. He never would have caught up to Spike, let alone chosen the right one, but the vampire had paused to kick the hell out of the defenseless tunnel, and the noise coupled with the dust from disintegrating brick and mortar alerted Xander to Spike's location.  
  
"I think you won this round."  
  
Spike laughed maniacally and kicked the tunnel in rhythm with his words. "I. Never. Win."  
  
"She loves you, man."  
  
Spike stopped kicking, the fight suddenly gone out of him. "How come everyone but her tells me that, huh?"  
  
"I've seen the way she looks at you when you're not watching. Kinda the way Anya looks at Giles. Look, not that I'm thrilled about it, but as vampire boyfriends go, she could, and has, done worse."  
  
"Why are you doin' this?"  
  
"Doing what?"  
  
"This," Spike said, his hand moving between the two of them, "bein' decent to me."  
  
"Because, one, I owe you. For the other night. And two, I figure this is kind of my fault. If I hadn't been such an asshole about you and her the last time...."  
  
Spike shook his head. "She cares more about what people think than she does about me. She's still ashamed of me." He began to walk further down into the tunnels.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"My turn to get soused, mate."  
  
"I don't think so. Remember what you told me? Bad, bad things? Can't let you do that, pal."  
  
Spike sighed heavily. "Alright. Then it's your turn to come up with somethin' better to do."  
  
Xander thought for a moment. "Sun's almost down. Want to go kill something?"  
  
Spike clapped him on the back. "Now, you're talkin'!"  
  
  
  
TBC 


	13. Repercussions, chapter 13

Repercussions, Part 13  
  
  
  
  
  
"I think I screwed it up for good." Buffy picked up the phone and dialed his number again. No answer. "Should I leave another desperate message?" she asked, her hand over the mouthpiece.  
  
A collective "NO!" was heard from her ladies in waiting. She gently replaced the phone in its cradle, and then her shoulders began to shake.  
  
"Buffy, please don't cry," said Dawn, putting her arm around her sister. She walked her over to the sofa and sat her down.  
  
"Yeah, Buff. You know what a temper he has. That hasn't changed. He just needs some time to calm down. Then you'll be able to talk to him, explain how you feel. You'll be all with the smoochies in no time!"  
  
Buffy shook her head and rubbed her arms to warm them. "I have a really bad feeling about this. You didn't see him. He was so angry. And, there's something else going on. The chip, it went off. When we were sparring."  
  
Willow looked at Buffy in confusion. "The chip works on you again?"  
  
She nodded. "Something's not right. I can feel it. What if something happens to him? What if I never get the chance to say I'm sorry, to tell him how I feel?"  
  
"Buffy, come on. Spike is so whipped on you, I bet he'll be coming in the door any minute," Dawn kidded her.  
  
As if on cue, the front door was thrown open and Xander stumbled in, an unconscious Spike thrown over his shoulder.  
  
"Xander! What did you do to him?"  
  
"Well," said Xander breathlessly, "What I did to him, is carry his literally dead weight all the way from the cemetery. You're welcome." He placed Spike rather carefully on the sofa, and as the girls fluttered around Spike, Xander rolled his shoulders, placing his hand on his lower back. "He's a lot heavier than he looks."  
  
"Xander!" yelled the slayer, the key, and the witch on hiatus.  
  
"O.K., O.K., give me a minute." He ran both his hands through his hair, and for the first time they noticed that he was not just exhausted from hauling Spike several blocks, but he was quite shaken up as well. Not to mention, bleeding. From the neck.  
  
"Xander," said Buffy, standing and touching his neck gently, "you've been bitten." She turned to Dawn. "Get some antiseptic and some bandages." Dawn hurried toward the bathroom.  
  
Xander gently removed Buffy's hand from his neck. "Buffy, I'm fine, she barely got her fangs in me. And I'm sorry." He glanced at Spike. "I think this is sorta my fault."  
  
Once Xander had sat down and allowed Dawn to play nurse, he turned his attention to Buffy and Willow, who were sitting near Spike on the sofa. "Buffy, the chip's gone wonky."  
  
"I knew it. What happened?"  
  
"He was pretty upset, after he left the Magic Box. I ran into him, and we decided to patrol. We came upon this group of vamps, 5 or 6 of them, I guess. Spike staked the first one, and he was all 'arghh' with the chip. As soon as the rest of them saw he was hurt, they went for me." He touched his neck gingerly, and winced. "One of them held me while the girl vamp sunk her teeth into me. They got my weapons, of course. Then the others went for Spike. He got up, and started dusting them left and right. The chip, Buffy, it was going off the whole time." Xander shook his head. "I finally got the last one, the girl, off of me, and dusted her. Spike was unconscious by that time."  
  
Buffy stared at Spike, lying prone on the sofa. Even unconscious, his brow was creased in pain. She swiped tears from her eyes with the back of her hand as Spike began to stir. He opened his eyes to find three pairs staring down into his.  
  
"Am I dead?" he asked. Buffy fought the urge to hit him.  
  
"I'm afraid so," smiled Willow. He sat up slowly, swinging his legs around to the floor, and groaned. Willow sat beside him, with Dawn on the floor, while Buffy moved to the coffee table in front of him.  
  
He leaned against Willow. She put her arms around him and petted his head.  
  
"It'll be o.k., Will," she whispered. Buffy watched this display with a considerable amount of envy.  
  
Suddenly, Spike's head shot up. "Harris?" he said with alarm.  
  
"Right here, pal," Xander said with a wave, leaning around Buffy, who was blocking Spike's view.  
  
"You saved his life," said Buffy, "and then he brought you back here."  
  
Spike stared at Buffy for a moment. Then he shifted his gaze to Xander. "I guess we're square then?"  
  
"Hardly," Xander replied. The two men shared a smile. Buffy stood up and stalked into the kitchen.  
  
Dawn followed. "What is your problem?"  
  
"I find out that those two are buddies, now? After I worried about how Xander would react to me and Spike, I find out they're hanging out?" She whispered furiously.  
  
"O.K.," said Dawn, crossing her arms in front of her, "let me get this straight. You're mad because Xander and Spike are finally getting along, because it gives you no excuse for acting like a jerk?"  
  
Buffy retreated a step. "Dawn! How can you talk to me like that?"  
  
"Look, all I know is, the guy you claim to love is in the living room in serious trouble, and you're in the kitchen sulking like a spoiled brat. A subject I should know a lot about, or so I've been told." She turned on her heel and walked out.  
  
Buffy leaned against the counter, trying to compose herself. There wasn't much time for that, what with the screams of "Bloody Hell!" and all. She ran back into the living room to find Spike clutching his head again, Willow trying to comfort him.  
  
"What happened?" Buffy looked from Willow to Dawn to Xander.  
  
"Nothing," said Willow. Her eyes met Buffy's, and she saw something very much like dread in them. "He was just sitting here, and it went off."  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
If there was one thing Buffy Summers was good at, it was managing a crisis. She felt in control, in her element. She had Xander call Anya and explain the situation; Anya would then teleport over to Giles and see if he had any ideas. Willow got on her trusty laptop to see if there were any sort of cosmic disturbances in the area that might be interfering with the operation of the chip. Dawn was given the task of keeping everyone fed and watered. Once everyone had their assignments, Buffy stood in the middle of the room, at loose ends. If she only had something to slay. Her eyes were drawn to Spike, who was leaning back against the sofa with his eyes closed. She could tell he was awake, though; every muscle in body was tensed, anticipating the next wave of pain.  
  
"Can I talk to you?" she asked. She sat down as gently as she could, trying not to disturb him.  
  
"Don't think I'm up to that, pet." He didn't move, or open his eyes.  
  
"I just want to help you," she said, "please let me." Her voice broke on the last word, and he opened his eyes. "I'm so sorry," she said, "about everything."  
  
He managed a small smile. "I know."  
  
"I'm afraid this is happening because I kicked you so hard that night."  
  
"No, slayer," he sighed, "the damn thing had been bothering me before that. Since shortly after I came back to Sunnyhell, matter of fact. Nothing like this, though." He groaned and closed his eyes again. "Pain doesn't go away."  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"Don't know," he admitted. "Maybe I thought if I ignored it, it would go away. Everything else seemed to be goin' so well, considerin'. Should've known better. I don't have that kinda luck. Of course, then there's that other thing."  
  
"What's that."  
  
"There's not a bloody thing can be done about it."  
  
A chill went through her. She put her hand on his forehead, and brushed the hair back from his head. "We're going to fix this," she whispered. The lines on his forehead began to smooth out, and she thought he was going to drift off. Then, he was clutching his head in pain again.  
  
"Willow!" she called. Willow was already on her way into the room. Once again, Spike turned to her instead of Buffy. Stung, Buffy stood up and began pacing the room. "Willow, I need you to do something for me. For Spike."  
  
"Anything. What is it?"  
  
"I need you to find Riley."  
  
TBC 


	14. Repercussions, chapter 14

Notes: For the purposes of this story, the characters on Angel are still where they were in the season finale  
  
  
  
  
  
Repercussions, part 14  
  
  
  
  
  
Willow sent an urgent e-mail to Sam Finn. Buffy had instructed her not to mention Spike. She was just to say that Buffy needed to talk to Riley, and it was an emergency. Within thirty minutes, the phone rang, and Buffy answered it before the first ring had ended. It was Riley, calling from somewhere 'north of Beijing.' Whatever.  
  
"Riley! Thank you for getting back to me so soon. No, it's not me. It's, well, it's Spike." She looked over at him and gave him a little smile. Then, a look of mild annoyance appeared on her face.  
  
"No, nothing like that. The chip is malfunctioning."  
  
She paused again. Now she looked really annoyed. "No, he's not biting people! Would you shut up and listen!" All the eyes in the room widened in surprise, especially Spike's.  
  
Buffy took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, o.k.? Just listen for a minute. The chip is going crazy. It's going off for no reason. We need to find someone that knows about how the chip works."  
  
They all continued staring at her as a look of barely suppressed fury clouded her face. "That. Is. Not. An. Option."  
  
"Soldier boy wants to put me out of my misery, I expect," Spike said. Willow, seated next to him, put her hand on his arm, and Xander looked at the floor. Only Dawn looked shocked.  
  
"Riley. This is what I need. I need the name of a doctor, a scientist, someone from the Initiative who knows about the chip and can take it out. Yes, I said take it out. What do you mean? Well, there has to be someone!" She sat down on the arm of the chair. "What about, records, blueprints, plans, an instruction manual? Something?" As she listened to him talk, her chin started to tremble. "Riley?" she said, "please tell me you're not lying to me. If I ever meant anything to you, anything at all..." Buffy closed her eyes. "I know. You're positive? O.K. Alright. Bye." She pushed the off button on the phone, and sat staring at it for a moment.  
  
"Everything's gone," she finally said. "Everything and everyone. The doctors involved with the project are either dead or have mysteriously disappeared. Any paperwork, computer files, any documentation there was, also destroyed. Riley said that the chip was a prototype. Like any computer chip, they knew it could malfunction or deteriorate. They never had any method in place for repairing or removing it if that happened, anyway." Her words hung in the air as everyone took in her meaning. Dawn began to sniffle.  
  
"What about a doctor?" asked Xander.  
  
"I just said, all the Initiative doctors are gone."  
  
"No, like a regular brain surgeon or something," he shrugged and looked at Willow.  
  
"Yes, a neurosurgeon," Willow nodded. "Don't know how we'd explain the lack of pulse, though." She smiled sadly and ran her hand through Spike's hair.  
  
Buffy grabbed her address book from beneath the phone, opened it to the first page, and punched in a number.  
  
"Who are you calling?" asked Xander.  
  
"Angel. He has a lot of connections. Maybe he knows one of these brain doctory guys for vampires in L.A."  
  
Spike nudged Willow. "Captain Cardboard wanted to stake me," he said, just loud enough for her to hear. "Wonder what ol' Angelus will want to do with me?"  
  
"She needs to do this," Willow whispered in his ear.  
  
God, he hated this. Sitting around like an invalid while Buffy called her idiot exes for help. He wanted to stand up and tell her to put down the bloody phone, he'd rather cut his head off than accept help from the likes of them. Except, he didn't want to be dusty. Or brain dead. Bugger. And, Willow was right. Buffy needed to do it. She needed to feel like she was doing something. His fierce little slayer. The way she was turning over every rock she could find, trying to help him. Made his heart ache. Maybe she really did love him.  
  
"Hello? This is Buffy Summers. I need to speak to Angel. Uh huh. Listen, Fred, was it? I don't think you understand. This is an emergency." She put her hand on her hip. "Do you know who I am? Oh. Well how long has it been since you've seen him? Wow, that long." Buffy didn't have time to worry about anyone else right now, and pushed Angel thoughts aside. "Put Wesley on the phone then. You're kidding. Do you know where *anyone* is?" Her voice began to rise. "What about Cordelia? Who the hell is Charles? Fred, thank you so much. You've been absolutely no help at all, and as for helping the helpless, you SUCK AT IT!"  
  
Xander stood up. "Buffy..."  
  
"GOD DAMMIT!" she screamed. She threw the phone against the wall and it shattered into a hundred pieces, taking some of the plaster with it. The room went deathly quiet, except for the sound of Buffy's breathing as she willed herself not to burst into hysterical crying.  
  
"Not my game, mind you, but I'd wager the Dodgers would be interested in that fastball you've got there, slayer."  
  
She groaned and rolled her eyes at him, then sat down on the coffee table, head in her hands. "Angel, Wesley, and Cordelia are all MIA. Angel Investigations now appears to consist of two people named 'Fred' and 'Charles.' And I have no more ex-boyfriends to call."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Anya materialized in the living room.  
  
She greeted them all cheerfully, then pulled Buffy aside. "Rupert is very worried," she said. "How is he?" She nodded toward Spike, who was indulging Dawn by drinking a mug of blood while she hovered nearby.  
  
"Not so good," Buffy said, "just look at him." Anya nodded. She knew that vampires had a high pain threshold, and Anya had never seen Spike so pale and drawn, not even when Buffy died.  
  
"He doesn't look well," said Anya, "and neither do you."  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"Well, if you call all jumpy and stressed out and on the verge of a breakdown fine....And your hair could use some work."  
  
Buffy ran her hands absently over her hair. "I'm just so frustrated. There's nothing I can do. I'm the slayer, and I can't do a thing to help him."  
  
"Perhaps he doesn't need the slayer right now, Buffy. Perhaps he just needs... Buffy."  
  
Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat. "Thank you, Anya," she said, giving her a gentle hug. "O.K. Back to business. Does Giles have any information?" Buffy asked.  
  
"I'm afraid not. I mean, he doesn't know any more about the chip than the rest of us do, and neither does the Watcher's Council. The only thing Giles could think of was to remove it. As for how, if you can't do it physically, you might be able to do it magically. He's already got the coven looking into it."  
  
Buffy's eyes lit up. "Anya, get on that. Tell Giles we need the magic dechipping as soon as possible. We've got no other choice at this point. Maybe the coven can come up with something. Hurry."  
  
"Alright. I'll be in touch as soon as possible."  
  
"Thank..." Buffy began, but Anya had already dematerialized.  
  
Buffy turned around and was startled to find Spike standing behind her. "I need to talk to you alone," he said.  
  
"Let's go upstairs. You should lie down anyway." She led him by the hand up the stairs to her bedroom and closed the door. He sat wearily on the bed, and she sat down next to him. "Giles has got the coven working on a spell to remove the chip."  
  
"So I heard." She raised an eyebrow at him. "Vampire hearing, luv. Not a big magic fan, but I wouldn't turn a good spell down about now."  
  
"So you heard our whole conversation?" she asked.  
  
Her hands sat primly on her knees, and he covered one of them with his own. "That Anya is a wise one, more than she lets on." Buffy stared down at their hands. "May come a time I do need the slayer, though."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Did Finn tell you to just dust me and be done with it?"  
  
"It doesn't matter what he said."  
  
Spike curled a finger under her chin and tipped her face up so he could look into her eyes. "Slayer, you know, it might come to that."  
  
"No!" She pulled her face away from him. "Stop saying things like that. It's time for you to get with the horizontal." She busied herself with removing the shams and decorative pillows from the bed and turning down the covers.  
  
"Buffy."  
  
"I refuse to discuss this. La, la, la, la, la" she sang, her hands over her ears.  
  
Spike gave up with a tired smile and bent down to remove his boots. After getting one off he faltered, and put his hand to his head.  
  
"Again?"  
  
"Not yet. It's coming." She pushed him gently back on the bed, removed his other boot, and then lay down next to him, cradling his head in her arms.  
  
"This is not how I pictured our first time in my bed," she said.  
  
He tightened his arms around her waist. "Me neither." His voice was muffled against her neck. "You told him you wanted to take it out. Not fix it."  
  
"I think it's beyond the fixing at this point. Besides, you don't need it."  
  
"What if I did need it? What if I didn't have a soul?" His head was still buried in her neck, and she pulled back a little so she could see him.  
  
"I know I put you through a lot of pain," she said, tracing the planes of his face with her fingers, "but I could never have stood by and just watched you suffer like this. I hope you believe that." He kissed her then, desperately, hungrily, like it might be their last. And she was so afraid it would be.  
  
He pressed his forehead against hers. "I know William the Bloody should never admit something like this to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I gotta say," he laughed shakily, "I'm a smidge terrified."  
  
She took his face in her hands, gathering what little strength she had left, and tried to give it to him. "I'm here, Spike," she whispered, "I'm here."  
  
  
  
TBC 


	15. Repercussions, chapter 15

Repercussions, part 15  
  
  
  
  
  
Buffy padded down the stairs in bare feet, lifting her damp hair off her neck and tying it back in a ponytail. It was all she could do to tear herself away from him, but she knew he wouldn't be sleeping long, and time was precious. The attacks, episodes, whatever you wanted to call them, were growing more frequent, and he was growing weaker with each one. She had to talk to Giles. They needed to do something, and soon.  
  
As Buffy reached the landing, she saw Willow at the dining room table, biting her nails and clicking her mouse furiously. Xander and Dawn were playing video games. When they heard her coming, they looked up guiltily.  
  
"I know I should be doing something more constructive," Xander apologized, "but, observe the wonder that is me, without a clue."  
  
Buffy smiled and took his hand, pulling him toward the staircase. "You're keeping Dawn occupied, and that's of the good. Frankly, none of us has a clue." She lay her head on his chest and he wrapped her arms around her. "Thank you," she said.  
  
"For what? Not being an asshole for once?"  
  
Buffy smiled and looked up at him. "Well, there's that. And for helping him." She pulled out of his arms. "Can you go up and just sit in my room with Spike? I didn't want to leave him alone, but I have to talk to Giles and find out what's the what. Spike is getting worse, and we need to do something like yesterday."  
  
"Sure, Buff." He loped up the stairs.  
  
Buffy walked over to Willow, who was concentrating so hard that she didn't notice Buffy until she touched her on the shoulder. "Whatcha doin'?" Buffy sat down at the table and rested her head on her folded arms.  
  
"I'm trying to see if I can find anything on the Initiative, something Riley maybe didn't know about, or, you know..."  
  
"Didn't tell us about? He swore to me he was telling me everything, but it's worth looking."  
  
"It's a long shot, but I thought maybe a former someone who has some information? I'm looking into quasi-government and medical research websites, message boards, newsgroups, seeing if there's any gossip floating around, maybe. I don't know." Her voice wavered with uncertainty, and when Buffy raised her head she saw that Willow's eyes were filled with tears. "What's going to happen to him?" she asked. "What if we can't fix it?"  
  
Buffy sat up straight and took Willow's hands in both her own. "We're going to fix it. We have to."  
  
Buffy left Willow to her surfing and curled up in the chair by the phone. She dialed Giles's number, and he picked up right away.  
  
"Giles, tell me you have good news."  
  
"Well, yes, they're working on it."  
  
"We don't have much time." The coven had only been working on the spell for a short time, but minutes seemed like hours to her now.  
  
"I'll send Anyanka back with the spell as soon as it's available, within the hour, I've been assured. But there's another problem."  
  
"I don't need any more problems." She massaged her temples and tried to remain calm.  
  
"I know, and I'm sorry. It's just, the performance of the spell. It requires a witch of considerable power."  
  
Buffy had been so excited about the prospect of a spell that she hadn't thought about who would actually *do* the spell. "Can't one of the coven just pop over here?"  
  
"No, it's much too far. They don't teleport as Anyanka does; it's much more complicated. When they teleported me, it took a great deal out of them, and took a long time to recover. They really can't afford to do that again so soon. I could put someone on a plane, but..."  
  
"No, that'll take too long. What about Anya? She can do magic."  
  
"Unfortunately, she doesn't have the skill level required for this particular spell. Buffy, I've done some checking, and there isn't a witch within 300 miles of you who can do this kind of magic. Except for Willow."  
  
"You're sure."  
  
"I'm afraid so."  
  
Buffy looked over at her friend, peering into the computer screen, trying desperately to find an answer for the man they both loved.  
  
"Then, it'll have to be Willow."  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
Buffy pulled Willow out on the back porch, away from Dawn, and explained what Giles had said about the spell. Willow hugged herself nervously.  
  
"Are you sure you want me to do this? After...you know."  
  
Buffy met Willow's gaze. "No, to be honest with you, I'm worried," Buffy said softly. "I know you're afraid to do magic again, and I hate to ask you to do this. But I'm desperate. I don't know what else to do," she admitted. "Will you do the spell?"  
  
"That's a no brainer, Buffy. If this is the only way, then I'll do it. I love him too." Willow gave Buffy her brave smile, squeezed her hands and got up to walk back into the house. Buffy hoped she wasn't making a big mistake. But it was a risk she was willing to take.  
  
A crash sounded from inside the house. Buffy looked up to where the sound was coming from, which seemed to be her bedroom. The first crash was followed quickly by two more, along with the sound of Xander yelling her name. She raced with slayer speed into the house, past Dawn and Willow and up the stairs, telling them to stay put as she passed. She paused momentarily outside the door of her room and opened it carefully.  
  
Spike stood in the middle of the room in full game face, fighting stance, chest heaving. Her bed had been tossed aside and now sat at a strange angle up against the wall. Her nightstand had been thrown to the opposite side of the room, and now lay against the other wall. Next to Xander.  
  
"You o.k.?," she asked him, never taking her eyes from Spike.  
  
"I think so. I was the first thing he threw. Good thing he was just warming up." Xander struggled to his feet and rubbed his shoulder. "It's the chip. It's on overload - constant firing, I think."  
  
"Oh, God. Xander, go get the..."  
  
"...tranquilizer gun? I'm way ahead of you." Xander moved cautiously toward the door. "Uh, maybe you should come with me. He's, like, in full demon mode now, Buff."  
  
"I know, it's probably the only part of him that can deal with this. But I'm not leaving him alone. It's o.k., he won't hurt me. Go on." Xander reluctantly left, closing the door behind him. Buffy took a step toward Spike. "Spike?"  
  
"Stay away. You're right, I don't *want* to hurt you," he said through clenched teeth.  
  
"You won't," she said, taking another step toward him, "I trust you."  
  
He turned around and pounded the nearest wall, roaring in agony and rage, his fist going through the plaster. He leaned his forehead against the wall. "Your soul boy has gone underground slayer."  
  
"I can see that," she said, her voice as calm as she could make it. She was right next to him now, and put her hand on his back. He whirled around and grabbed her by the upper arms, pulling her hard against him. "Then you should know you can't trust me, because I *have* hurt you. I'm just a monster, remember?"  
  
She looked into his eyes, golden eyes full of pain and fury. "But you're my monster," she whispered. His gaze faltered, confusion clouding his face. "You won't hurt me," she continued, "because you're the one that loves me." His grip on her loosened, and she reached one hand up to touch his face. " And, despite everything, I love you, too." She held his gaze as his eyes searched hers, seeking out the truth.  
  
He seemed to find what he was looking for, and his hands released her arms and clutched her around the waist, pulling her into a tight embrace. "Make it stop," he whispered into her hair. "Please make it stop."  
  
"I will, I promise I will," she said, stroking his hair. Xander entered the room, holding up the gun. "Xander's going to use the tranquilizer gun on you now. Are you ready?"  
  
He nodded. The first shot hit him in the back, and he barely registered it. They waited a few moments and it seemed to have no effect. "Again," Buffy said, her arms still around Spike. Xander hit him with another dart, and then she felt his knees start to buckle. She helped him to the bed, which Xander righted, and he lay down with his head in her lap.  
  
Buffy covered Spike's ears with her hands and looked skyward. "Anyanka!" she shouted.  
  
Anya appeared almost instantaneously, a scroll in her hands. She held it up triumphantly. "Got it!"  
  
TBC 


	16. Repercussions, chapter 16

Note: my apologies to any purists. Willow's spell is a little of this and a little of that. Don't try this at home :) Special thanks: to Kelly for the lightning fast beta and the spell ideas  
  
  
  
Repercussions, part 16  
  
  
  
  
  
"How's my Will?" Spike tried to open his eyes, finally realizing that they were open already. He blinked sluggishly a few times, and Willow's face slowly came into focus. He knew he was in Buffy's bed, and Willow was kneeling on the floor next to him.  
  
"Hey, Will," he said groggily.  
  
"Shhh, you don't have to talk. I just wanted to let you know that we're going to do the spell, just as soon as Anya gets back with the supplies.  
  
"Wha? Buffy?" He tried to look around for her.  
  
"Right here," she said. She was sitting cross-legged on the bed next to him, wearing sweat pants and a tank top, her hair falling out of a rubber band. She looked exhausted and, to him, never more beautiful.  
  
"I'm going to do the spell, and Anya will help me," Willow explained.  
  
"Wait..." he struggled to sit up, and Buffy put her hand behind his head.  
  
"Take it easy," she said softly. "Here, let me help." She put another pillow behind him. He took her hand and held it while he turned his attention to Willow.  
  
"Red," he said, with a little more authority, "magic? You can't..."  
  
She sat down beside him and took his other hand in both of hers. "I've been afraid to do magic. But I'm much more afraid of losing you." She put her face close to his. "Don't worry about me. I'm doing this for the right reasons." She kissed him on the cheek.  
  
He was too drugged up to tell her how he felt, and as he drifted off again, he hoped that he'd have the opportunity to thank her when this was all over. Given the fact that he currently could not put a complete sentence together, he wasn't so sure he would.  
  
  
  
Anya materialized then, amidst her usual swirl of mystical energy. "I think I've got everything," she said.  
  
"O.K., read it off to me," said Willow, referring to the scroll that the coven had sent her.  
  
Anya began holding up small bags of herbs and reading off their names. "Angelica, Burdock, Galangal, Horehound, Elder, Lavender, Lemon Balm, Mandrake Root, Rose, Rue, Sassafras, and Yellowdock," she answered.  
  
"Check. What about the candles? And the other items?"  
  
"White for truth, red for strength, light blue for health. The other things are in this bag." She handed the shopping bag to Willow.  
  
Willow peeked into the bag and nodded with satisfaction. She had all she needed. While she was nervous about doing magic again, more than that, she was excited. This was a chance for her to show her worth, to prove that she could do it without going all DarkWillow, and most of all, to help her friend. For the first time in a long time, she felt like Willow again.  
  
"Buffy? It's time for you to leave now. Buffy?" Buffy still sat on the bed, where she'd been since they'd drugged Spike. She held one of his hands in her lap, her other hand lay on his chest. Willow walked over to the bed and touched her lightly on the shoulder. "Buffy?" She looked up. "Time for you to leave."  
  
"No, I'm staying."  
  
"Uh, you can't. Not unless you're involved in the spell."  
  
"Then color me involved."  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
"I have my own resolve face, you know." She smiled at Willow, but her eyes were determined.  
  
"O.K., but you have to promise to do only as I tell you, no matter what happens. We risk ruining the spell otherwise."  
  
"I can do that," she murmured, her eyes drifting back to Spike.  
  
"Buff," Willow hesitated. "You realize that with the spell, there aren't any guarantees..." she trailed off.  
  
Buffy just nodded. "Let me know when you need me," she said.  
  
Willow walked over to Anya, who was laying out the supplies she had gathered from the Magic Shop. "We're going to need another robe."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Willow, Anya, and Buffy stood in a triangular formation around Spike, who sat in the middle of the circle of herbs that Willow had made. The tranquilizer was beginning to wear off, and while that at least made it easier for him to remain upright, the pain was now intense, a constant throbbing in his head. The fact that his demon was threatening to take over again didn't help any. And while it would be a lot easier to observe the whole thing from the cheap seats, he refused to do that. He felt enough like a wanker as it was.  
  
All three women wore white robes tied with light blue cords. Anya and Buffy held lighted candles, and a third stood on the floor in front of Willow. Willow first prepared an altar of the four elements: earth (a crystal), air (incense), fire (a candle) and water. Then she charged and consecrated her athame, which was a double edged dagger carved with supernatural symbols. She touched her athame to each element as she chanted:  
  
"I call earth to bind my spell Air to speed its travel well Bright as fire shall it glow Deep as tide of water flow Count the elements four fold, And in the fifth the spell shall hold."  
  
She then took her dagger, her athame, and walked around them , drawing a circle. A brilliant white light poured from the end of the dagger and encircled them. As she walked she said, "great guardian spirits of wisdom witness these rites and guard this circle."  
  
They remained surrounded by the circle of dazzling white light. Willow raised her hands to the sky. "Hygeia, goddess of health, Asclepius, god of healing, Athena, goddess of science, I evoke and conjure thee." A warm wind began to swirl around them. "In peace I welcome you in the name of the Most High, and I command you, remove this unnatural element from our friend, which causes him so much pain. Eximo, eximo, EXIMO!" Willow pointed her dagger at Spike, and a stream of white light struck and then enveloped him, swirling around his body like a cyclone and then centering on his head. Anya and Buffy watched, amazed, as a tiny computer chip soon danced in front of him, visible only because is sparked and glowed, then exploded in a shimmering shower of silvery dust.  
  
"Great guardian spirits, I hail and thank you. Go in peace, and return to your sphere of origin. The rite has ended."  
  
The white light around them disappeared and the wind receded. Buffy looked to Willow, who nodded her permission to approach Spike. Buffy didn't know what she had expected his reaction to be, perhaps something more dramatic, but when she got to him she found him slumped over, unconscious. She pulled him into her arms, his head against her chest.  
  
"The chip, Buffy," Anya began.  
  
"I know," she said, her voice quiet. "It did a lot of damage. But he'll be alright. With the vampire healing and all. He's so strong. He'll be fine." She began to stroke his hair. "He'll be just fine."  
  
Willow and Anya exchanged a look, and then quietly let themselves out of the room.  
  
TBC 


	17. Repercussions, chapter 17

Special thanks: to Kelly for the beta  
  
This is the last chapter, folks. I know you've all been worried about Spike, so I hope you're satisfied with the conclusion. This has been fun to write - thanks so much for all the great feedback.  
  
  
  
Repercussions, part 17  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She wished she had just said it. It wasn't like she hadn't said it before. Except, had he really heard it, did he really know? He had to know. And she didn't want to make it one of those big, dramatic scenes, declaring her undying love to him, because then it would seem like she was afraid the spell would go badly. Which, of course, is exactly what she was afraid of. Plus, he wasn't exactly in the best shape to hear it. But now he had lain motionless in her bed for two hours, and she wished she'd just said it. Damn.  
  
Buffy had just gotten Spike into some more comfortable clothing when a soft knock came at the door. She had pulled off his jeans and put a pair of Xander's old jogging pants on him. Xander had brought a few things over that no longer fit him, at her request since no one had a key to Spike's apartment. Spike would hate the fact that she was dressing him, but she wanted him to be comfortable, and those heavy jeans wouldn't do. He would also hate the fact that he was wearing Xander's clothes, and she had to smile a little at that. At least they were just a nice, conservative navy blue. He should be o.k. with that.  
  
She called for whoever was knocking to come in, and Dawn slowly opened the door. "Is it alright? If I come in?"  
  
"Sure honey, it's o.k." Buffy answered.  
  
Dawn walked tentatively toward the bed. "They wouldn't let me see him before," she said, "before the spell, I mean."  
  
"I know. He was in pretty bad shape."  
  
Dawn stopped a few feet from the bed. "Is he going to be alright?"  
  
"Yes," Buffy said firmly, "he is. You can come over here, if you want."  
  
She came a few steps closer. "Is he sleeping?" she asked.  
  
"It's a little more than that."  
  
"When is he going to wake up?"  
  
"I don't know," Buffy answered. Dawn looked at her with big, saucer eyes.  
  
"Can I, can I touch him?" she asked.  
  
"Sure."  
  
Dawn sat down on the edge of the bed and took his hand. She rubbed it between both of hers for a moment. He was so cold. Then she leaned down and kissed his cheek. "I love you, Spike," she whispered. Buffy reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.  
  
After Dawn left, Willow was the next to enter, plying Buffy with food and encouraging her to get some rest. It was getting late, and everyone was going to bed. Xander went home, and Anya popped back to Giles's. Willow decided to stay over, and took some blankets and pillows down to the sofa. The house grew very quiet.  
  
Buffy took a bite of the sandwich Willow had left, and then pushed it aside. She was too tired to eat, so she drew back the covers and climbed in next to Spike. She covered him with her body like a blanket, draped over him protectively, but it was really more for her comfort than for his.  
  
This was something she'd never allowed when they were lovers, except by accident. Or when she just couldn't resist, and pretended it was an accident. She loved to watch him sleep. Long, dark lashes against pale skin, full lips slightly parted, arms and leg entwined with hers. The way his skin grew warm wherever she touched him, and remained cool where she didn't, as if she held some magical power over him, that she could give her warmth to him and make him come alive. And of course she could. He'd told her that. So many things to make up for. So much time wasted.  
  
"Come back to me," she whispered.  
  
He didn't respond.  
  
Exhausted, she fell asleep and began to dream. She dreamed of the day she was invisible. They had had so much fun that day. She had been playful and silly, girlfriendy even, all because he couldn't see her, and so it wasn't real. She had pulled away from him on the upper level of his crypt and shot down the ladder to his bed chamber. "Tag, you're it!" she'd laughed. "Bet you can't find me!" Then she'd silently moved to a far corner of the room, and waited. The look on his face had been priceless. Boyishly amused, and it gave her a thrill. She wanted to give up the game then, and run to him, but she held back. He'd stood in the middle of the room, head cocked to one side, in that way he had, and closed his eyes. Then he walked right up to her, and stood not inches away.  
  
"Come on, give me a hint slayer. Am I hot or cold?" She'd stifled a giggle then, because he was so, so both, and in more ways than one. He'd looked around like he had no idea where she was, and then without warning, she was in his arms. "Hot?" he asked, his voice low and predatory. "Or cold?"  
  
"Oh, I'd go with hot." She breathed. "Very, very, hot."  
  
Later they lay in his bed, his palm stroking up and down one arm. "So what gave me away?" she asked. "Heart beat? Vampire sense of smell? What?"  
  
He leaned in and placed a soft kiss onto lips he couldn't see. "I'll always find you, luv, always."  
  
He kept stroking her arm with the palm of his hand, and she thought she would climb out of her skin. How could he do that? It was just his hand on her arm. And it was driving her crazy in such an incredibly wonderful way. She drifted up into wakefulness and was slightly annoyed. She didn't want that dream to end. And then she realized that the sensation had not ended at all. Just his hand on her arm...  
  
Her head shot up. "Spike?  
  
"Mmm, Buffy skin. Another one of those seven wonders I was tellin' you about."  
  
She half laughed and half cried as she pulled herself up his body to look down into his face. "Oh, God. Are you o.k.?"  
  
"Seem to be. Though tell me this, pet. Is my hair on fire? 'Cause otherwise, I've got a hell of a hangover."  
  
"You're still in pain?"  
  
"No worries. Nothin' compared to the chip. And it's gotten better since I woke up, even."  
  
"How long have you been awake?"  
  
He turned his head to look at the clock, and winced slightly. "Close to an hour."  
  
"And you didn't wake me?" She fought the urge to slap him.  
  
"Oh, couldn't do that. Seemed like you were havin' such a nice dream. All snuggly and pretty sighs and 'Mmm Spikes'..."  
  
She couldn't even get mad at him for teasing her. "It was a *very* nice dream," she said softly, rubbing her nose against his. He swallowed, hard.  
  
"That so?" he managed.  
  
"Mmm hmm." She ran her hands down his arms. "You sure everything is in good working order?"  
  
"I can wiggle all my fingers and all my toes."  
  
She smiled slyly. "Can you wiggle anything else?"  
  
"Ooh, naughty Buffy," he grinned. His hands went to her jersey clad bottom and pulled her tighter against him. "You tell me."  
  
"unh," was all she got out before her lips were on his. It had been so long since they'd kissed, really kissed, besides the other day in the training room, right before everything went to hell. Longing, fear, need all converged at this one point in time, and nothing and no one else existed. His hand traveled up under her shirt to the small of her back, pressing her against him. His other hand was in her hair, pushing it back off her face, caressing her cheek with his thumb. She traced his lips with her tongue, and he moaned into her mouth.  
  
"Wait," she said pulling back slightly. Immediately he took his hands off her.  
  
"I stopped!" he said. All his muscles went rigid and he held his hands up as if in surrender.  
  
"No, no," she said softly, taking his hand, "I didn't mean it like that." She leaned down and kissed him again, and she felt him begin to relax beneath her. "I'm sorry," she said, "I totally ruined the moment. I just meant, everyone else is really worried about you, too. We should tell them you're o.k., maybe."  
  
Now he just looked embarrassed, but his hands fell back to her waist. "Middle of the night, pet. Everyone's sleeping." He stopped and listened for a moment, hearing the distant sound of metal clinking against ceramic, and the tapping of a keyboard. Then he smiled. "Except one."  
  
They crept down the stairs hand in hand. Buffy had the oddest feeling, like it was Christmas morning and she was about to give Willow the pony she'd always wanted. She giggled. Better not share that imagery with Spike. The downstairs was dark, lit only by Willow's laptop and the glow from the kitchen light which seeped through the doorway. She sat there surfing, sipping on a mug of cocoa. She didn't see them till they were almost to the dining room entrance.  
  
"Surprise," said Buffy. Willow didn't say a word. She just stared at him for a moment, then pushed her chair back and walked directly into his arms. They held each other tightly, not speaking, and Buffy went and sat on the arm of the living room chair, not wanting to intrude.  
  
Spike took his hands from around her waist and put them on either side of her face, tipping it up to look at him. "Thank you," he said.  
  
She smiled widely. "You're welcome."  
  
It wasn't long before Willow hustled them upstairs, 'to commence with the smoochies' she'd whispered in Buffy's ear. Following him into the room, Buffy closed the door quietly and locked it. Spike sat down on Buffy's bed and leaned up against the headboard. "C'mere," he said, patting the space next to him. "Somethin' I want to say to you," Instead of sitting next to him, she climbed into his lap and snuggled into his chest. He laughed softly. "Comfy, kitten?"  
  
"Mmm hmm," she murmured.  
  
"I just wanted to say, sorry for goin' all two faces of Spike on you there before."  
  
She raised her head, meeting his eyes. "You don't have to apologize."  
  
"I was...out of control. But you were amazing," he whispered, tracing her cheek with his finger. "I mean, I know you said you wanted to redecorate, but I don't think this is what you had in mind." He surveyed her room, which was a bit worse for wear.  
  
She giggled. "At least you didn't use a grenade." She shook her head. Bad memories. She didn't want them, but there they were. She rested her forehead against his chest. "Is this stuff always going to be between us?" she asked him.  
  
"Between us?" he said, making slow circles on her back with his hand, "I guess the trick is to put it behind us."  
  
She hugged him tightly. "Do you remember everything that happened the last couple of days?" she asked.  
  
"I think so. I remember you." He took her face in his hands. "I remember you always bein' there, never leavin'."  
  
She buried her face in his chest, her tears wetting the fabric of his shirt. "I was so scared that I would lose you, and I would never even get to tell you," she raised her head, "I love you, you know. I love every part of you."  
  
"And every part of me loves you." He kissed her again, slow and deep, and she felt like she was melting into his body. Then he broke the kiss gently, wrapping his arms around her and resting his chin on top of her head.  
  
He looked down. "Who's pants might I be wearin', pet?" Spike asked, suddenly realizing he was not in his own jeans.  
  
"Those might be Xander's," she replied.  
  
She could hear the faint disgust along with a hint of amusement in his voice. "Now my humiliation is complete."  
  
"Well," she said, "we could just take them off..."  
  
He tipped her chin up and kissed her again. "Sounds like a plan."  
  
The end 


End file.
